They exchanged bite-sized portions of their entrees and inquisitive glances, the silence full of cutting and chewing and swallowing.
A Love Noire by Erica Simone Turnipseed
So much tension at the sentence level! The first word of this simple sentence that wakes my attention is “bite-sized,” and from that adjective, the associations multiply: polite, restrained, tentative, careful, formal. What is going on between these two characters?
Turnipseed uses balance (the pairing of two) and adds a second direct object, contributing another powerful adjective, “inquisitive” glances. This addition amps up the tension, too. Why inquisitive? Are they waiting for something? Trying to figure something out? The image suggests tentativeness, which aligns with “bite-sized,” a plosive combination of sounds that ushers in more tension.
Both adjectives add so much information to this sentence. If art is compression—finding the right word, the right turn of phrase to convey the right meaning—adjectives are part of the writer’s repertoire.
“Adjectives and adverbs are “coloring words,” but this is not to deny their importance or to suggest that their roles are somehow inferior to those of nouns and verbs,” writes Virginia Tufte in Artful Sentences: Syntax as Style. “Often the noun and verb simply state the known or given information, and it is the adjective or adverb that carries the news of the sentence.”
Turnipseed smartly contrasts “silence” with sounds that fill the silence. The juxtaposition amplifies the three sounds (series), as does the polysyndeton, the overuse of conjunctions. Polysyndeton creates a distinct rhythm and pace; it also emphasizes each item, letting the cutting and chewing and swallowing ring out. There’s also the echoing rhythm of the -ing words that adds to the music.
Your Turn
Start with your base clause and use a verb that needs a direct object (a transitive verb). Add two direct objects, and for both, use an adjective. Now you’ll want to find the right “coloring words.” In Turnipseed’s sentence, both adjectives lead the reader to the subjective experiences of the characters. We get a sense of what’s going on in their inner world.
Now add a modifying phrase that includes three items or actions. Connect these with polysyndeton.
Try it!
How did it go?
About Me
I’ve taught “Style in Fiction,” “Word for Word” and “Cultivating Your Prose” at the University of San Francisco and Stanford Continuing Studies since 2007. In each of these classes, we spend 10 to 15 weeks drenched in the beauty of sentences, reading them and writing them. It’s such a pleasure! I’ve watched my writing and my students’ writing blossom with this practice of paying close attention to the sentence.
Please visit my website to find all of my books: ninaschuyler.com
This week, my novel Afterword was chosen by Alta Journal as a top read for May! Bay City News selected it, too, for books to watch for in May.
Preorder links:
Other News:
I have a new essay, “How to Tell a True Origin Story of a Novel,” published by the fabulous literary journal, Your Impossible Voice.
https://www.yourimpossiblevoice.com/how-to-tell-a-true-origin-story-of-a-novel/
If you’re interested, I’m teaching an online class for the literary journal, Bending Genres, “Picking Up the Pieces.” It’s a two-day class that guides you through the creation of an episodically structured piece. https://bendinggenres.com/writing-groups/. If you want to read my essay, you’ll get a sense of this form.
The Newsletter:
It’s free, but in the vein of Wikipedia or Patreon-sponsored artistic efforts, if you’d like to support me and the newsletter, I welcome your contribution. Substack won’t let me change the minimum amount, which is $5 per month. There’s also an option of $50 for the year.
Here is the link: ninaschuyler.subtack.com/subscribe
I love and appreciate your support in whatever way it’s offered!
If you live in the Bay Area, I’ll be on a panel at the Bay Area Book Festival: “What Hath AI Wrought?”
·
Coloring Words
One of the most striking things about this sentence is the portrayal of an intense level of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual intimacy: sharing the wonder of their entrees is not any less enticing than any other sharing in which this couple might engage.