Knock Knock
Early one morning, under the arc of a lamp, carefully, silently, in smock and rubber gloves, old Doctor Manza grafted a cat’s head on to a chicken’s trunk.
Adventures in the Skin Trade, by Dylan Thomas
What a great build to the wonderfully bizarre image! Thomas uses five adverbial phrases before he comes to the base clause—old Doctor Manza grafted a cat’s head on to a chicken’s trunk. The sentence is structured like a joke, with a set-up, details, and punchline.
The set-up establishes the reader’s expectations. From Thomas’ diction, the reader is anticipating the reasonable and rational. There’s an arc of a lamp; the subject (whoever it is) appears careful, precise, thoughtful, deliberate. Then comes the base clause with the cat’s head and the chicken trunk—reversing the expectations of the set-up and escalating it to an extreme.
This is a left-branching, cumulative sentence. The most common way to write a cumulative sentence is to start with the base clause. Here’s how Thomas’ sentence would have read if it followed this structure:
Old Doctor Manza grafted a cat’s head on to a chicken’s trunk, early one morning, under the arc of a lamp, carefully, silently, in smock and rubber gloves.
What’s missing is the big build to the surprise. In comedy, it’s all about timing. And it’s true, too, for prose. If you’ve got a great image or a big reveal, build to it and put it at the end.
In Thomas’ sentence, the first adverbial phrase establishes time—early one morning; then place—under the arc of a lamp; and then the manner in which Doctor Manza did the grafting—carefully, silently, in smock and rubber gloves. If Thomas had used the traditional cumulative structure, the final modifiers (carefully, silently, in smock and rubber gloves) would be positioned far away from the subject, Doctor Manza. This might cause confusion for the reader: wait a minute--is the cat/chicken wearing the smock and rubber gloves?
The Making
Start with a modifying phrase that establishes time.
Now add another modifying phrase that details the place.
Then add four details about your subject. Here, the subject is Doctor Manza and we learn he’s wearing a smock and rubber gloves. Whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it carefully and silently.
End the sentence with a base clause. Can you come up with a surprise? Something that upsets the reader’s expectations?
Have fun!
Let me know what happens.
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