Sweet the feeling of decency flooding him now, surprisingly like you imagine it would be to drink nectar.
Autumn, by Ali Smith
When I read this sentence, it seemed to be in bold, or at least bolder than the sentence companions that surrounded it. It drew attention to itself, it called out, seeming to wave its arms in the air, look at me!
A sentence that deviates from the conventional English syntax of subject/verb predicate does attract attention. It’s popped out of the envelope of foregone conclusions by changing the way the English sentence is usually ordered. The reader feels a different rhythm and what ensues is a new level of alertness.
The conventional way to write this sentence would be: The feeling of decency flooding him now is sweet, surprisingly like you imagine it would be to drink nectar.
Smith moves the adjective, “sweet,” to the beginning of the sentence, then she follows with the subject—“the feeling.” The verb, “is” has dropped out of the sentence entirely.
The style technique is called anastrophe (or hyperbaton), which is the inversion of the usual order of words in a sentence. By front-shifting the adjective, Smith highlights not only the sentence, but the word “sweet.” She has collapsed the narrative distance and the reader is pulled in close to the character, letting the sentence mimic the character’s mind. Here, the character’s first thought is “sweet,” and then comes the rest of the thought. Since we rarely think in complete sentences, the verb vanishes.
The next part of the sentence, which opens with the adverb, “surprisingly,” draws more attention to “sweet,” by modifying it and comparing it to nectar. I like the way the last word of the sentence sends me back to the beginning of the sentence. Smith pulls the reader into the sentence by invoking the second person, you.”
The Making
Write a conventionally syntactically structured sentence, with the subject followed by the verb predicate. To keep it simple use the verb “is” and include an adjective.
Now move the adjective to the front of the sentence. Try dropping out the verb “is” and see if it still makes sense. There is a balancing act between capturing the privacy of the mind, which isn’t aware of an audience, and making things accessible to the reader.
Now add another modifier that fleshes out the adjective. Is there room to invoke the second person?
There’s room for repetition of sound and rhythm:
Consonance: I hear the plosive of “sweet” with the “t” echoed with plosives at the end of the sentence “drink,” with the “k”, and nectar with the “c” and the “t.”
Alliteration: feeling/flooding; sweet/surprisingly
Assonance: sweet/feeling/decency/be/drink
I also strongly feel the two hard stresses of DRINK NECtar (capitalization=hard stress).
Try it!
What else do you see in this sentence?
What do you like about it?
I like the way the word "flooding" pairs with the idea of drinking and nectar at the end. There's a sense of fluidity and wetness.