The thought of this future act of hers, which she would perform bravely, letting her hand linger as she placed the book on the return desk, gave him a strange sort of pleasure, as if he enjoyed being present in her life a little longer, as if it all weren’t so depressingly final.
Steven Millhauser, “The Way Out,” from the collection The Knife Thrower and Other Stories
As the year winds down, we, in the present, glance backward and forward at what was and what might emerge. Millhauser’s sentence captures this sense of time refusing to stay still. In this short story, the protagonist has ended his affair with a married woman and realizes he left a library book on her night table that she’ll have to return for him. The fluidity of time, the nonlinear movement, is one thing among many that writing, unlike other mediums, does so well.
This is the way our mind works, unhinged from linearity. Basically, linearity is an artifice, a manufactured organizing principle to create an illusion of forward-moving time. Spend a moment with your thoughts and you’ll see how ridiculous this is. Our minds are time travelers.
Millhauser’s sentence is mid-branching, opening with the subject, “thought,” and is separated from the verb “gave.” What interrupts are modifiers that capture the protagonist’s imaginative wanderings. This is the “branch,” placed right in between the subject and verb. The protagonist pictures the woman bravely returning his library book. He ends the relative clause with “bravely,” (rather than bravely perform), drawing more attention to the adverb. It’s an interesting word, hinting at her imagined psychological state. The opposite of brave is cowardly, creating the question: why must she be brave? And that question creates tension at the sentence level.
His fantasy goes deeper, focusing on her hand lingering on the book. The book belongs to the protagonist. We are in the realm of images, which can usher in subtext. How does this work? The book is yoked to the protagonist. When we see the book, we think of the protagonist. It belongs to him and it’s in her house. The book, then, becomes a stand-in or substitute for the protagonist. There is no need to mention the protagonist, which now is subtextually implied, and we have a possible interpretation that the lingering hand on the book (him) means she is thinking about him and hesitating about ending the relationship. (i.e., returning the book).
As a writer, then, by linking images, you can create subtext. When one part of the dyad is mentioned, the other is called up through associative thinking.
I’m lingering here (like the hand) because this is what writers can do, and I’m speaking here of paying attention to the most minute details. Writing is a way of seeing, and sentences like this, especially that hand, remind me to see more and remember more in the most granular details. This, I think, is a profound way to awaken the astonishment of being alive. To see so clearly, in such rich detail, we are immersed in awesome abundance.
Now, we come to the verb “gave.” After the verb, Millhauser adds two clauses beginning with “as if.” I think of “as if” as a speculative simile: it makes a comparison about an imaginary situation if the verb in the clause is in the past tense, as it is in Millhauser’s sentence. These clauses modify and elaborate the protagonist’s strange pleasure: “as if he enjoyed being present in her life a little longer as if it weren’t so depressingly final.”
The two “as if” clauses have a flavor of antithesis. There is the moment that he imagines he’s still in her life versus when it is depressingly over. Antithesis invites contrast and tension and makes both more vivid. “Depressingly,” the only four-syllable word in the sentence, draws attention to itself and lands hard. For me, the subtext is that despite his imagination, he is grounded in the reality that it is over.
Do you hear the music:
Alliteration: letting/linger/life/little/longer; strange/sort/so; bravely/book; perform/placed/pleasure/present
Assonance: act/hand; bravely/placed/gave/strange; enjoyed/present/depressingly; life/final
Your Turn
Begin with your subject. Before you get to the verb, include two modifying phrases or clauses that refer to something in your opening. Here, Millhauser modifies “act.”
In the modifying phrases or clauses, can you include an adverb to hint at a psychological state? Can you include an image linked to something else in the story?
Now comes your verb and the fulfillment of the independent clause.
Add two “as if” clauses. Can you use antithesis here to create more contrast?
How about some music?
Tell me, how did it go?
Also, as a gesture to the year’s end, what book have you read this year that made an impression on you, not only at the story level but also at the style level?
PS: Thank you to those who have supported me financially this year! In the past 30 days, ten new paid subscribers have signed on. Cheers and onward! So much to learn and practice, and that delights me.
About Me:
I’ve taught “Style in Fiction,” “Word for Word” and “Cultivating Your Prose” at the University of San Francisco and Stanford Continuing Studies since 2007.
Please visit my website to find all my books: ninaschuyler.com, including my novel Afterword, How to Write Stunning Sentences, and Stunning Sentences: A Creative Writing Journal.
Preorder My Award-Winning Short Story Collection:
I’m so happy that my short story collection, In This Ravishing World, will be published in July 2024. The collection won the W.S. Porter Prize for Short Story Collections and The Prism Prize for Climate Literature.
Nine connected stories unfold, bringing together an unforgettable cast of dreamers, escapists, activists, and artists, creating a kaleidoscopic view of the climate crisis. An older woman who has spent her entire life fighting for the planet sinks into despair. A young boy is determined to bring the natural world to his bleak urban reality. A scientist working to solve the plastic problem grapples with whether to have a child. A ballet dancer tries to inhabit the consciousness of a rat. It’s a full-throated chorus, with Nature joining in, marveling at the exquisite beauty of our world, and pleading, raging, and ultimately urging everyone toward activism and resistance.
I’d really appreciate it if you preorder the book. Here’s the link:
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Thank you!
As if wishing you a happy new year could express my gratitude for your eye and ear. As if they could make me see and hear. Maybe. In 2024.
Happy New Year! An attempt . . .
The vile act—slicing through her supple skin, then her pulsating arteries and organs, one by bloody one, until landing ominously deep in her marrow to a most bone-chilling sound—stopped them dead in their tracks, as if hacking the girl to a heap of human pulp could ever change anything, as if all this vitriol could ever stop her.