And with the wind and with the rivers go the elements, moving, holding their own counsel, forever reshuffled, enduring, locked into this assemblage a moment, then into that.
Water, Ice & Stone: Science and Memory on the Antarctic Lakes by Bill Green
The English ear is trained for a specific syntax or word order, which is the subject followed by the verb. But you can wake up the ear, as Green does, by changing word order. Virginia Woolf loves this technique, and so does Yoda from Star Wars (“Ready are you?”).
The style technique is called hyperbaton, which in Greek means “passed over, transposed.” If only one word is moved, it’s called anastrophe, “turning upside down.”
If Green had written his sentence using traditional syntax, it would look like this:
The elements go with the river and with the wind, moving, holding their own counsel, forever reshuffled, enduring, locked into this assemblage a moment, then into that.
By inverting the word order and moving the subject after the verb, Green not only makes the ear alert, he creates a left-branching sentence and heightens tension as we wait for the subject. And by opening with the prepositional phrases, he foregrounds the rhythm of anaphora with the repetition of “with”: “with the wind and with the rivers.”
After the subject, “elements,” the sentence becomes cumulative, with the accumulation of details describing the elements, “moving, holding their own counsel, forever reshuffled, enduring, locked into this assemblage a moment, then into that.” The elements in this sentence are the chemical elements, hydrogen, helium, lithium, on and on, and Green personifies them, making them come alive with these phrases, “holding their own counsel” and “enduring.” I really hear the passion Green has for the natural world.
Another rhythm occurs with the ringing of three -ing words. These are present participles, verbs acting as adjectives that describe and also create energy because of the embedded verb form.
Imagine the sentence without the string of six adjectival phrases. Short, abrupt, not moving. So Green’s sentence is an example of syntactic symbolism, with the syntax mimicking the elements traveling along with the rivers and the wind.
Can you hear the music? The assonance: with/wind/river; holding/own/forever/moment; elements/enduring. And the alliteration: with/wind; rivers/reshuffled; then/that. The sentence opens with soft sounds because of the liquids (w) and glides (r). By the end, it is harsher, with more plosives, “t” and “d” and “k.”
Your turn:
One way to use hyperbaton or anastrophe is to begin with a sentence using traditional syntax. Then move the subject so it appears after the verb
If you used prepositional phrases like Green, move them before the subject. Can you use anaphora?
Now use six adjectival phrases to describe the subject. If you used an inanimate subject, can some of these phrases invoke personification?
Can you add music through assonance and alliteration?
How did it go?
What else do you see?
If you find a beautiful sentence, please send it to me! (thank you subscriber for this sentence! Now I’m going to read this book!)
About Me:
I’ve taught “Style in Fiction,” “Word for Word” and “Cultivating Your Prose” at the University of San Francisco and Stanford Continuing Studies since 2007. I’ve watched my writing and my students’ writing blossom with this practice of paying close attention to the sentence.
Please visit my website to find all of my books: ninaschuyler.com (including “How to Write Stunning Sentences” and “Stunning Sentences: A Creative Writing Journal).
My New Novel:
Afterword is available now! If your book club chooses my book to read, I can Zoom in and talk to the group. I’ve met with many book clubs, and it’s really fun! If you’ve read my novel please consider posting a review on Amazon or Goodreads or social media.
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Upcoming Reading:
Bay Area! I’ll be in conversation with New York Times bestselling author Ellen Sussman at the Mill Valley Public Library, discussing my novel. October 25, Wednesday at 6:30 pm, PST. Please join us!
Upcoming Classes:
On October 24, 10:00 am PST, I’ll be talking about the “Braided Plot Structure,” for the online conference, “Escape the Plot Forest” run by Daniel David Wallace. My talk is one of many, many lectures. The conference runs from October 21-25 with 38 speakers, and it’s free if you attend the event live.
Here is the link:
I’m excited to teach a class for Zyzzyva on November 4th, 11:00-2:00 PST, on Zoom, “The Past is Always Happening: On Writing about Time.”
Time is a container for every story. Yet too often we focus intently on the event that upended the ordinary world, minimizing or ignoring the past. Writing advice often reinforces this, sometimes turning it into a rule. If this theory of time turns rigid, your story may be stripped of complicated motivations and depth. Characters are, after all, amalgamations of all that has happened to them, all that has been inherited, including the familial, cultural, and historical. Moreover, the past can be as dynamic, lively, and intense as the present. In this class, we’ll look at excerpts from short stories and novels that welcome the past. We’ll consider pieces that dedicate entire sections to the past as well as stories that let the past sprinkle in like breadcrumbs. We’ll examine the effect of these approaches on character and story. Generative writing exercises will let you explore different strategies to usher in the past, improving your understanding of time in narration.
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And with peace and with pride ascended her soul, humming her own eulogy, frolicking with thunder, undying, everywhere, sprouting radiant clouds, then steppes of long grasses.
Love anastrophe I do!