Loved this one! I use plenty of alliteration in my writing so I thoroughly enjoyed the opening clause. I also like your astute observation of the "b" sound disappearing by the end of the long, sweeping sentence, demonstrating a change in tone.
Unrelated: I lived through Hurricane Andrew myself. Wild times.
Hannah grew up stuck like chewing gum to her cello, bowed to it, wrapped around it like cellophane until the day she plunged into aquatic biology, cultivating cuisine for curvaceous mollusks, but then veered into restaurant work, the business of encouraging delight in patrons even if the one doing the joy coaching wouldn’t be able to recognize happiness in herself if she spotted it in the mirror on her ceiling, so she broke up with her boyfriend and his dog and her job and her life all at once and stepped sideways out of her life onto the Pacific Crest Trail where she immediately discovered she’d so far barely known her inner and outer world at all.
Nina, is this the first sentence of a novel? It certainly feels like it could be. One thing I love is how it ends on focus (observatory) and possible upheaval (summit of Mauna Kea). If it is the first sentence of a novel or story, we know that this move is going to change Basil. Also, now I want to read the whole thing.
Nina, I also loved this sentence, compressing time to get to the main part of the story (or so I'm guessing). But I do have a question for you -- is this your interpretation / reaction to the sentence, or have you contacted Mr. Doerr to see if this was his intention? (I typically wouldn't write a sentence this long, and if I did, my writing critique group would chop it into smaller pieces!)
So where is the "dividing line" (if you will) between style and the kinds of techniques you point out (which I really enjoy looking at and reading!), on the one hand, and making the reader's job "easier", on the other?
Loved this one! I use plenty of alliteration in my writing so I thoroughly enjoyed the opening clause. I also like your astute observation of the "b" sound disappearing by the end of the long, sweeping sentence, demonstrating a change in tone.
Unrelated: I lived through Hurricane Andrew myself. Wild times.
Love it, Nina! Here’s my attempt:
Hannah grew up stuck like chewing gum to her cello, bowed to it, wrapped around it like cellophane until the day she plunged into aquatic biology, cultivating cuisine for curvaceous mollusks, but then veered into restaurant work, the business of encouraging delight in patrons even if the one doing the joy coaching wouldn’t be able to recognize happiness in herself if she spotted it in the mirror on her ceiling, so she broke up with her boyfriend and his dog and her job and her life all at once and stepped sideways out of her life onto the Pacific Crest Trail where she immediately discovered she’d so far barely known her inner and outer world at all.
Nina, is this the first sentence of a novel? It certainly feels like it could be. One thing I love is how it ends on focus (observatory) and possible upheaval (summit of Mauna Kea). If it is the first sentence of a novel or story, we know that this move is going to change Basil. Also, now I want to read the whole thing.
Nina, I also loved this sentence, compressing time to get to the main part of the story (or so I'm guessing). But I do have a question for you -- is this your interpretation / reaction to the sentence, or have you contacted Mr. Doerr to see if this was his intention? (I typically wouldn't write a sentence this long, and if I did, my writing critique group would chop it into smaller pieces!)
So where is the "dividing line" (if you will) between style and the kinds of techniques you point out (which I really enjoy looking at and reading!), on the one hand, and making the reader's job "easier", on the other?