So fun and fascinating! Here’s mine (inspired by our extreme heat here in Phx!)
Like the black asphalt under her shoeless feet, like the unshaded steering wheel of her junky car, and like the metal mailbox in the afternoon sun, his final words, in red ink on crisp white paper, had burned her all summer.
So good! As the similes pile up--and the heat of these similes!--I feel the propulsion to discover what is the "target"? What are they referring to? It's a fascinating technique. The "red" of the ink is associated (at least in the West) with heat and so here is your bridge between the target and the sources. And you've personified the red ink by making it hot. The comparison continues with "burned" her all summer. I love the delay that the mid-branching sentence creates--more suspense! The image of shoeless feet was particularly searing.
What a picture you paint, leaving me with a hot-blooded need to know these two characters more deeply, what burns them, what might relieve them, what quenches their thirst.
Yes!! This is one way to begin a story. A sentence. A single sentence that plants a fire seed of a story. David is noting all that is stirring by this one sentence.
Like the remains of glitter on the side walk, like a balloon drifting in the gutter, like a song left playing on repeat on a scratched CD, his failure, in the form of scattered party debris, taunted him with its reminders.
Oh, this is beautiful! There's such an interesting tension as I make my way through the opening images via the simile to find out the "target." Then, I pause there and let the target, "his failure," expand with the images and I feel that failure through the glitter on the sidewalk, the ballon in the gutter, the song left playing on repeat--all the discarded remains of a celebration. And they would be reminders and hard to ignore.
Thanks so much, Nina. I've used similes and metaphors before, but not in this stacked way. I really loved that idea, and will likely use it more in my writing. Thank you for the exercise!
Jul 23, 2023·edited Jul 24, 2023Liked by Nina Schuyler
Like dews of December, like whispers of a new lover, and like the golden pagoda hidden in Flaming Desert, ideals, so quietly extraordinary, have never failed to excite her.
So beautiful! Through the similes, we learn so much about the character, and you invite sensual imagery into the sentence. I loved the tension--I had no idea what the "target" of the similes might be. I felt a rush to get to the subject. Then when I got there, the sentence pulled me along to the verb.
Thank you, Nina! I think I might want to change "a new lover" to "an old lover" so it fits better with the "quietly extraordinary" modifier... I was also thinking of how ephemeral and how unachievable (at least from the character's stand point) the "target" is, but I couldn't come up with three sources sharing those traits so I went for what the sources/target all shared:) These exercises are so engaging. Thank you!
I think you capture the ephemeral nature of ideals with the "quietly" and "extraordinary." Quietly suggests they are there or almost there or not there at all. And extraordinary takes us out of the ordinary world, suggesting that ideals are something beyond or at least transcendent. So good! And thank you! I'm glad you're here.
Ah - searing- I see what you did there :) I loved the puzzle of trying to find 3 similes that relate to the “target” in the same way (like movement in your example).
Jul 24, 2023·edited Jul 24, 2023Liked by Nina Schuyler
Here goes...
Like dishes in the washbasin, like bills scattered across the coffeetable, and like prescription medications multiplying on the bathroom counter, worries, in the form of imagined catastrophic happenings, personal or geopolitical, never fail to make near daily new appearances.
Fantastic! I like how relatable the similes are until we get to the "prescription medications" and now I am learning something more about the protagonist. It's a good movement, from the familiar to the unexpected, specific detail. Then, when the sentence becomes mid-branching, it really works how the worries are both personal and geopolitical, almost as if the worries are proliferating as the sentence suggests.
"As the blade returns to its sheath, the arrow to its quiver, and the warhorse to its stable, the Prince, adorned with shouts of victory, returned to his country."
The more writers try out this sentence, the more I love it! I learn so much about the abilities of the prince through the similes because I associate each of these images with the prince. The fact of their proximity to the subject of this sentence leads me to this association. Your bridge between the source and the target is victory: no need for weapons or the means of war anymore. So good!
You're so encouraging. Thank you 🙏 If you're interested, I wrote a short story called Pouncing Shadows, over on my Substack. It was the most enjoyable writing experience I've ever had... 🥹 I'd be keen to hear if there are any standout sentences for you.
Capote may have been a tad mad, but never boring. (And compassionate in such an interesting, ever-evolving manner.)
I love the way this sentence creates movement, and urgently draws me closer to flames.
(I also love that, if I remember correctly, as a young man in NYC he made friends with Willa Cather, who mentored him a bit. And his connection to Harper Lee. What a life. So jealous. And so glad he lived it—and wrote it!)
So fun and fascinating! Here’s mine (inspired by our extreme heat here in Phx!)
Like the black asphalt under her shoeless feet, like the unshaded steering wheel of her junky car, and like the metal mailbox in the afternoon sun, his final words, in red ink on crisp white paper, had burned her all summer.
So good! As the similes pile up--and the heat of these similes!--I feel the propulsion to discover what is the "target"? What are they referring to? It's a fascinating technique. The "red" of the ink is associated (at least in the West) with heat and so here is your bridge between the target and the sources. And you've personified the red ink by making it hot. The comparison continues with "burned" her all summer. I love the delay that the mid-branching sentence creates--more suspense! The image of shoeless feet was particularly searing.
What a picture you paint, leaving me with a hot-blooded need to know these two characters more deeply, what burns them, what might relieve them, what quenches their thirst.
It’s got to be a sizzling story - I am burning to know now, too!
Yes!! This is one way to begin a story. A sentence. A single sentence that plants a fire seed of a story. David is noting all that is stirring by this one sentence.
Hope this sends you hot on the trail. Would love to read more about them!
I'm loving these exercises.
Like the remains of glitter on the side walk, like a balloon drifting in the gutter, like a song left playing on repeat on a scratched CD, his failure, in the form of scattered party debris, taunted him with its reminders.
Oh, this is beautiful! There's such an interesting tension as I make my way through the opening images via the simile to find out the "target." Then, I pause there and let the target, "his failure," expand with the images and I feel that failure through the glitter on the sidewalk, the ballon in the gutter, the song left playing on repeat--all the discarded remains of a celebration. And they would be reminders and hard to ignore.
Thanks so much, Nina. I've used similes and metaphors before, but not in this stacked way. I really loved that idea, and will likely use it more in my writing. Thank you for the exercise!
Like dews of December, like whispers of a new lover, and like the golden pagoda hidden in Flaming Desert, ideals, so quietly extraordinary, have never failed to excite her.
So beautiful! Through the similes, we learn so much about the character, and you invite sensual imagery into the sentence. I loved the tension--I had no idea what the "target" of the similes might be. I felt a rush to get to the subject. Then when I got there, the sentence pulled me along to the verb.
Thank you, Nina! I think I might want to change "a new lover" to "an old lover" so it fits better with the "quietly extraordinary" modifier... I was also thinking of how ephemeral and how unachievable (at least from the character's stand point) the "target" is, but I couldn't come up with three sources sharing those traits so I went for what the sources/target all shared:) These exercises are so engaging. Thank you!
I think you capture the ephemeral nature of ideals with the "quietly" and "extraordinary." Quietly suggests they are there or almost there or not there at all. And extraordinary takes us out of the ordinary world, suggesting that ideals are something beyond or at least transcendent. So good! And thank you! I'm glad you're here.
I'm relieved. Thank you!!!
Ah - searing- I see what you did there :) I loved the puzzle of trying to find 3 similes that relate to the “target” in the same way (like movement in your example).
Here goes...
Like dishes in the washbasin, like bills scattered across the coffeetable, and like prescription medications multiplying on the bathroom counter, worries, in the form of imagined catastrophic happenings, personal or geopolitical, never fail to make near daily new appearances.
Fantastic! I like how relatable the similes are until we get to the "prescription medications" and now I am learning something more about the protagonist. It's a good movement, from the familiar to the unexpected, specific detail. Then, when the sentence becomes mid-branching, it really works how the worries are both personal and geopolitical, almost as if the worries are proliferating as the sentence suggests.
Thanks Nina. I'm really enjoying how these exercises stretch me, getting me to say things in a way I would never have come up with unprompted.
I'm so glad! This makes my day, week, month!
Thanks for the prompt, Nina. Here's mine...
"As the blade returns to its sheath, the arrow to its quiver, and the warhorse to its stable, the Prince, adorned with shouts of victory, returned to his country."
The more writers try out this sentence, the more I love it! I learn so much about the abilities of the prince through the similes because I associate each of these images with the prince. The fact of their proximity to the subject of this sentence leads me to this association. Your bridge between the source and the target is victory: no need for weapons or the means of war anymore. So good!
You're so encouraging. Thank you 🙏 If you're interested, I wrote a short story called Pouncing Shadows, over on my Substack. It was the most enjoyable writing experience I've ever had... 🥹 I'd be keen to hear if there are any standout sentences for you.
I love the idea that a person could be adorned with shouts of victory. What a surprising use of that verb!
Thank you! Appreciate the feedback 🙂
Capote may have been a tad mad, but never boring. (And compassionate in such an interesting, ever-evolving manner.)
I love the way this sentence creates movement, and urgently draws me closer to flames.
(I also love that, if I remember correctly, as a young man in NYC he made friends with Willa Cather, who mentored him a bit. And his connection to Harper Lee. What a life. So jealous. And so glad he lived it—and wrote it!)