This sentence really stunned me with the way it expands as you read it. It started so plain - almost boring and basic using the word 'got' - then every clause adds something new and unexpected. I think that is what I liked most: the unexpected. It makes the person more precise without really discussing what she is doing or why. And it moves from very concrete images of motion into a mental space of abstracts supported by the concrete images. Very intriguing.
Such a good analysis, Tom. I agree. I really like its movement to the abstract. I think the contrast of "got," which is low register, sets you up for one type of diction, and then by the end, we're in the abstract, with philosophical ideas of what it means to move with consequence. And is existence not trivial?
I've copied the syntax and devices you draw attention to, but I can't match the impact of Shirley Hazzard's language here. Genius. Understated, pithy - such powerful characterisation in such a restrained, economical sentence. Mine is way too wordy, I know that. However, here's what I've come up with:
When Simon emerged from the teachers’ common room, when he sauntered through the corridors or urged a tardy pupil to hurry along, he moved with studied deliberateness, as if his presence at that institution was not the most unfortunate happenstance.
I like "When Caro got to her feet", that slows the process down, and the reader can imagine she gets up slowly, carefully, even stiffly. Then later we hear about the movement with consequence and we wonder why. And of course the thrilling conclusion...existence isn't trivial.
I have "The Transit of Venus" on hold at the library, you've sucked me in now, ha ha.
It was an interesting way to say it: When Caro got to her feet. I'd probably write, When Caro stood or got up, glossing right over an opportunity to have the reader see it.
These are so much fun to play with. Thanks.
I'm so glad! So much characterization can be built into this type of sentence, too.
This sentence really stunned me with the way it expands as you read it. It started so plain - almost boring and basic using the word 'got' - then every clause adds something new and unexpected. I think that is what I liked most: the unexpected. It makes the person more precise without really discussing what she is doing or why. And it moves from very concrete images of motion into a mental space of abstracts supported by the concrete images. Very intriguing.
Such a good analysis, Tom. I agree. I really like its movement to the abstract. I think the contrast of "got," which is low register, sets you up for one type of diction, and then by the end, we're in the abstract, with philosophical ideas of what it means to move with consequence. And is existence not trivial?
I've copied the syntax and devices you draw attention to, but I can't match the impact of Shirley Hazzard's language here. Genius. Understated, pithy - such powerful characterisation in such a restrained, economical sentence. Mine is way too wordy, I know that. However, here's what I've come up with:
When Simon emerged from the teachers’ common room, when he sauntered through the corridors or urged a tardy pupil to hurry along, he moved with studied deliberateness, as if his presence at that institution was not the most unfortunate happenstance.
I like "When Caro got to her feet", that slows the process down, and the reader can imagine she gets up slowly, carefully, even stiffly. Then later we hear about the movement with consequence and we wonder why. And of course the thrilling conclusion...existence isn't trivial.
I have "The Transit of Venus" on hold at the library, you've sucked me in now, ha ha.
It was an interesting way to say it: When Caro got to her feet. I'd probably write, When Caro stood or got up, glossing right over an opportunity to have the reader see it.
Let me know what you think of the book!