"with the hope that the sentence reorganizes the reader’s inner experience." -- such a perfect distillation of why working at style, so out of fashion, is central to a transformative experience, an effect mere "information" can never deliver.
Love this sentence too, especially the rhythmic aspect. The only thing "that" didn't work for me was the "that" in the middle. I've tried to eliminate "thats" as much as possible, except where necessary. I think this already gorgeous sentence would be "that" much better without it. 😁
My gut reaction was to just remove the centralized "that," which would simply make the sentence: And as the ax bites into the wood, be comforted in the fact that the ache in your heart and the confusion in your soul means you are still alive, still human, and still open to the beauty of the world, even though you have done nothing to deserve it.
I like this version slightly more if only to remove a seemingly superfluous word.
That said, when I dared to impose my style/voice on this sentence, I ran into some problems. I would've cut "in the fact that" too, but then you get a weird flow problem where the sentence might be better as two instead of one.
Option 1: And as the ax bites into the wood, be comforted: the ache in your heart and the confusion in your soul mean you are still alive, still human, and still open to the beauty of the world, even though you’ve done nothing to deserve it.
Option 2: Be comforted as the ax bites into the wood. The ache in your heart and the confusion in your soul mean you are still alive, still human, and still open to the beauty of the world – even though you’ve done nothing to deserve it.
I personally would've gone with option 2, which is structurally pretty different from the original version. Nobody likes a colon unless it's clearly necessary, so option 1 seems wonky.
But, candidly, I probably lean more towards minimalism and shorter, sharper sentences rather than longer, sweeping ones.
Thanks for quizzing me! Learned something interesting with this exercise!
Both of your alternatives are fantastic! I like option 2's opening with the imperative, followed by the image of the ax. First, it's gentle, kind, then comes the ax. It fits the overall movement of the sentence as first it soars, then comes back down to the ground with the finale--even though you've done nothing to deserve it.
Sep 18, 2022·edited Sep 18, 2022Liked by Nina Schuyler
Should we chunk all the thats, splatter them with a hose, or maybe only these and those? And, but, or, if this is not that and thus a new thing, which stand-in shall we in this sudden pinch bring?
I try to eliminate 'that's too. In this case, it seems to operate the way our body does leaning into a curve. Losing the first puts more emphasis on 'the ache', sentence-starting emphasis, and keeping it helps us glide into the pith. Then you swing back around with the second.
I like and dislike this sentence at once: a lovely sentiment, but perhaps too commonly evoked. However the last part makes up for all that, inviting me to ponder the concept of deserving versus not-deserving, and whether a moment of opening and gratitude arrives through grace, or with work, or by letting go; most likely all of that. Splitting logs can be a beautiful doorway into a kind of Zen integration: good rhythm, total concentration, body over mind, open air, pleasing results: a hot cup of tea on a cold night by a crackling fire.
I think this technique--stripping out the rhythm to match the blunt content as Harding does at the end of this sentence--is a way to undercut and eliminate sentimentality.
"with the hope that the sentence reorganizes the reader’s inner experience." -- such a perfect distillation of why working at style, so out of fashion, is central to a transformative experience, an effect mere "information" can never deliver.
100% agree! So much can be conveyed in how something is said.
Love this sentence too, especially the rhythmic aspect. The only thing "that" didn't work for me was the "that" in the middle. I've tried to eliminate "thats" as much as possible, except where necessary. I think this already gorgeous sentence would be "that" much better without it. 😁
The "that' has puzzled me too. Maybe Harding liked the assonance of fact/that. How would you rewrite it?
My gut reaction was to just remove the centralized "that," which would simply make the sentence: And as the ax bites into the wood, be comforted in the fact that the ache in your heart and the confusion in your soul means you are still alive, still human, and still open to the beauty of the world, even though you have done nothing to deserve it.
I like this version slightly more if only to remove a seemingly superfluous word.
That said, when I dared to impose my style/voice on this sentence, I ran into some problems. I would've cut "in the fact that" too, but then you get a weird flow problem where the sentence might be better as two instead of one.
Option 1: And as the ax bites into the wood, be comforted: the ache in your heart and the confusion in your soul mean you are still alive, still human, and still open to the beauty of the world, even though you’ve done nothing to deserve it.
Option 2: Be comforted as the ax bites into the wood. The ache in your heart and the confusion in your soul mean you are still alive, still human, and still open to the beauty of the world – even though you’ve done nothing to deserve it.
I personally would've gone with option 2, which is structurally pretty different from the original version. Nobody likes a colon unless it's clearly necessary, so option 1 seems wonky.
But, candidly, I probably lean more towards minimalism and shorter, sharper sentences rather than longer, sweeping ones.
Thanks for quizzing me! Learned something interesting with this exercise!
Both of your alternatives are fantastic! I like option 2's opening with the imperative, followed by the image of the ax. First, it's gentle, kind, then comes the ax. It fits the overall movement of the sentence as first it soars, then comes back down to the ground with the finale--even though you've done nothing to deserve it.
Should we chunk all the thats, splatter them with a hose, or maybe only these and those? And, but, or, if this is not that and thus a new thing, which stand-in shall we in this sudden pinch bring?
I try to eliminate 'that's too. In this case, it seems to operate the way our body does leaning into a curve. Losing the first puts more emphasis on 'the ache', sentence-starting emphasis, and keeping it helps us glide into the pith. Then you swing back around with the second.
I like this feeling/reading a lot!
Sometimes the context of the sentence, the sentences before and after it, determine the inclusion of a "that" or not.
Marianna, that's a good point!
I like and dislike this sentence at once: a lovely sentiment, but perhaps too commonly evoked. However the last part makes up for all that, inviting me to ponder the concept of deserving versus not-deserving, and whether a moment of opening and gratitude arrives through grace, or with work, or by letting go; most likely all of that. Splitting logs can be a beautiful doorway into a kind of Zen integration: good rhythm, total concentration, body over mind, open air, pleasing results: a hot cup of tea on a cold night by a crackling fire.
The sentence ended on the right unrhythmic note for me too. A piercing, of sorts, of brutal honesty.
I think this technique--stripping out the rhythm to match the blunt content as Harding does at the end of this sentence--is a way to undercut and eliminate sentimentality.