That sentence leaves me breathless, as I guess is the intention. The pace of the city is overpowering, and I can't help but read more into that long list of 'signs'. The lack of commas forces my thinking to combine them into a closer connection, a sort of 'sentence' within the sentence. I mean, read together, they tell some kind of sordid story of men, women, money and dare I say exploitation? Am I reading too much into it?
I've had a try, and I've added a second, shorter sentence to give context, to show the character's situation and motives - probably revealing that the first sentence, by itself, is lacking, but so be it. Here it is:
She was adept at this game: listening and genial and accepting their secrets without judgement; prising open their fears, their regrets, their agonised confessions: it only happened once, he doesn’t know, I’ve got no-one to turn to, I resist wish hope wonder manage cope survive drown. There were stories here.
That sentence leaves me breathless, as I guess is the intention. The pace of the city is overpowering, and I can't help but read more into that long list of 'signs'. The lack of commas forces my thinking to combine them into a closer connection, a sort of 'sentence' within the sentence. I mean, read together, they tell some kind of sordid story of men, women, money and dare I say exploitation? Am I reading too much into it?
I've had a try, and I've added a second, shorter sentence to give context, to show the character's situation and motives - probably revealing that the first sentence, by itself, is lacking, but so be it. Here it is:
She was adept at this game: listening and genial and accepting their secrets without judgement; prising open their fears, their regrets, their agonised confessions: it only happened once, he doesn’t know, I’ve got no-one to turn to, I resist wish hope wonder manage cope survive drown. There were stories here.