Lovely! The metaphor is contained in your verb "slithered." And now I've fused this character with a snake or a snake-like being. This image is confirmed with "dark corners," which are sought out by snakes. We get a sense of the character's psychology with the modifiers that follow.
I'm loving these lessons. Every little phrase in this sentences is delightful, they all convey so much! The "perched" being a whole characterization in one word, the "never seeing" producing such a sense of longing, the "waiting to cross" throwing us into the now (how much those -ing's pull as on an on) and then the "very upright" at the end just stopping us short, cutting all possibility.
Such a good analysis of the feeling/emotion/meaning of each phrase of this sentence! And your creation is full of energy and rhythm. She's someone about to blow up, with the anger tightly coiled like a big cat ready to pound. It's reinforced with the "poised to strike him." Love the alliteration of "wanting, waiting."
I'm not sure about multiple offerings here, so please forgive me if I've transgressed, but two ideas came, so I went with them both. Also, mine are quite long, and maybe not operating quite as the model sentence, with its snappy modifiers.
1. He trumpeted his displeasure, stampeding through the stunned guests, overturning lightly framed garden chairs, hellbent on removing this most uncomfortable of intruders.
2. Here, she blossomed, soaking up the sunlight of their admiration, drinking in the praise they showered on her, shooting down anchoring roots to hold her firm against encroaching envy.
Thanks for these little analyses, Nina! "Perched" is such a great word for conveying a physical quality. Another word that jumps out at me for the work it's doing in this sentence is "never." So interesting, because it suggests it's not only in this moment that she doesn't see him (Woolf could have said "not seeing him," which would suggest a time limitation). It's her neighbor she's not (never) seeing, and I can't remember if/how much he comes back in the story, but it makes me think he sure wants her to see him! A powerful word choice regardless of Woolf's intention.
So good! For me, when I read "never," I expect it to be challenged in the story: he never does the laundry... In this novel, the man never appears again in the story and so the "never" is not upended. And it does convey his desire to be seen.
Me too! This practice of looking at sentences under a microscope has brought a level of care and attention to writing for me. How a single word can have such power.
Deanna, I'm so glad! The use of "operating" introduces the associations of machines--as you note--and also the medical field. So interesting! I love your alliteration "soften, smooth" and the compression "smooth for hope." Lovely!
Thank you so much for these lessons!
He slithered around dark corners, through invisible obstacles, avoiding detection.
Lovely! The metaphor is contained in your verb "slithered." And now I've fused this character with a snake or a snake-like being. This image is confirmed with "dark corners," which are sought out by snakes. We get a sense of the character's psychology with the modifiers that follow.
Entering the room her face ripened, seeing the mural brimming with colours, tantalising to touch, quite intense.
Lovely! the word that leaps off the page for me is "ripened." Pairing the face to a piece of fruit--so unexpected.
I'm loving these lessons. Every little phrase in this sentences is delightful, they all convey so much! The "perched" being a whole characterization in one word, the "never seeing" producing such a sense of longing, the "waiting to cross" throwing us into the now (how much those -ing's pull as on an on) and then the "very upright" at the end just stopping us short, cutting all possibility.
My own poor attempts below:
Soft she hissed,
anger tightly coiled,
shedding her glove,
poised to strike him.
Eyes aglow,
playful, curious, shy,
nibbling her nail,
wanting, waiting.
Such a good analysis of the feeling/emotion/meaning of each phrase of this sentence! And your creation is full of energy and rhythm. She's someone about to blow up, with the anger tightly coiled like a big cat ready to pound. It's reinforced with the "poised to strike him." Love the alliteration of "wanting, waiting."
I'm not sure about multiple offerings here, so please forgive me if I've transgressed, but two ideas came, so I went with them both. Also, mine are quite long, and maybe not operating quite as the model sentence, with its snappy modifiers.
1. He trumpeted his displeasure, stampeding through the stunned guests, overturning lightly framed garden chairs, hellbent on removing this most uncomfortable of intruders.
2. Here, she blossomed, soaking up the sunlight of their admiration, drinking in the praise they showered on her, shooting down anchoring roots to hold her firm against encroaching envy.
There she waded, never seeing the monster, zigzagging to navigate, quite engrossed.
Here, the word that zings is "zigzagging." And to zigzag takes some form of chaotic navigation, so of course she wouldn't see the monster.
Here she adjusted her volume, often pausing, reversing sentences, over wary.
The sentence itself captures her hesitation as it stutters along with little phrases separated by commas. Syntactic symbolism!
Thanks for these little analyses, Nina! "Perched" is such a great word for conveying a physical quality. Another word that jumps out at me for the work it's doing in this sentence is "never." So interesting, because it suggests it's not only in this moment that she doesn't see him (Woolf could have said "not seeing him," which would suggest a time limitation). It's her neighbor she's not (never) seeing, and I can't remember if/how much he comes back in the story, but it makes me think he sure wants her to see him! A powerful word choice regardless of Woolf's intention.
So good! For me, when I read "never," I expect it to be challenged in the story: he never does the laundry... In this novel, the man never appears again in the story and so the "never" is not upended. And it does convey his desire to be seen.
The power of a single word! I just love it.
Me too! This practice of looking at sentences under a microscope has brought a level of care and attention to writing for me. How a single word can have such power.
Nina, I love these short lessons. I'm all in!
The lines on his young face stop operating, soften, smooth for hope.
(I had to use google to find verbs from the machine domain. Great lesson!)
Deanna, I'm so glad! The use of "operating" introduces the associations of machines--as you note--and also the medical field. So interesting! I love your alliteration "soften, smooth" and the compression "smooth for hope." Lovely!
Nina, this sentence, and your thorough breakdown of its components, are both beautiful. Thank you!
Jeanette, so generous and kind! Thank you for reading and also writing to me. I hope you and your family are thriving!