10 Comments
Nov 2, 2022Liked by Nina Schuyler

What I love about this sentence how I feel two different perspectives at the same time. I can imagine Miles thinking this exact sequence and seeing himself through others eyes; and I can imaging others watching and thinking about what Miles is thinking as they go about prophesying what he will do next. If flows so smoothly in both contexts.

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Tom! We've missed you and your insightful comments! But you're back and adding another dimension to this sentence. Thank you!

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I’m stealing “pre-mortified” and all its cousins.

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Me, too! It's perfect!

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Oct 31, 2022·edited Oct 31, 2022Liked by Nina Schuyler

Big fan of polysyndeton. I love the rhythm and the emphasis, as you mentioned, especially in action sequences. For example, he punched and kicked and flailed and screamed and etc, etc.

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I am too! And a really great rhythm!

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Oct 30, 2022Liked by Nina Schuyler

I’m having a post-mortified post-mortem for the crooning pre-coronary corner coroner. Come one, come all.

Joking aside, what a delicious sentence that is. Dying to read the whole story, but the one sentence is so energy-dense, it’s virtually a story as it stands.

Thank you!!

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Ha! I love your playfulness.

Yes, I can feel that boy's pre-mortified state, and that's so good.

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Love how Miles's age plays narrative tricks throughout. He's ten. Messes up. Worried people will laugh at him. That's ten. But pre-mortified isn't ten-year-old vocabulary and everything after the em dash is a fond remembrance. At what age do you start calling someone precious? That feels at least a decade later if not many more.

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Great! Gilbert is playing with high-register and low-register language. The "precious" could have been something Miles heard from a relative--what a precious boy--or, as you say, it's from an older character recalling this time.

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