Standing there, Miles was pre-mortified, certain he would mess things up, and everyone would laugh because Miles was ten years old and was meant to mess things up, was practically designed to mess things up—he could puke or piss himself, could scream and curse and strip naked and go running into the woods and they’d all fondly remember how precious Miles lost his mind.
What I love about this sentence how I feel two different perspectives at the same time. I can imagine Miles thinking this exact sequence and seeing himself through others eyes; and I can imaging others watching and thinking about what Miles is thinking as they go about prophesying what he will do next. If flows so smoothly in both contexts.
Oct 31, 2022·edited Oct 31, 2022Liked by Nina Schuyler
Big fan of polysyndeton. I love the rhythm and the emphasis, as you mentioned, especially in action sequences. For example, he punched and kicked and flailed and screamed and etc, etc.
I’m having a post-mortified post-mortem for the crooning pre-coronary corner coroner. Come one, come all.
Joking aside, what a delicious sentence that is. Dying to read the whole story, but the one sentence is so energy-dense, it’s virtually a story as it stands.
Love how Miles's age plays narrative tricks throughout. He's ten. Messes up. Worried people will laugh at him. That's ten. But pre-mortified isn't ten-year-old vocabulary and everything after the em dash is a fond remembrance. At what age do you start calling someone precious? That feels at least a decade later if not many more.
Great! Gilbert is playing with high-register and low-register language. The "precious" could have been something Miles heard from a relative--what a precious boy--or, as you say, it's from an older character recalling this time.
What I love about this sentence how I feel two different perspectives at the same time. I can imagine Miles thinking this exact sequence and seeing himself through others eyes; and I can imaging others watching and thinking about what Miles is thinking as they go about prophesying what he will do next. If flows so smoothly in both contexts.
Tom! We've missed you and your insightful comments! But you're back and adding another dimension to this sentence. Thank you!
I’m stealing “pre-mortified” and all its cousins.
Me, too! It's perfect!
Big fan of polysyndeton. I love the rhythm and the emphasis, as you mentioned, especially in action sequences. For example, he punched and kicked and flailed and screamed and etc, etc.
I am too! And a really great rhythm!
I’m having a post-mortified post-mortem for the crooning pre-coronary corner coroner. Come one, come all.
Joking aside, what a delicious sentence that is. Dying to read the whole story, but the one sentence is so energy-dense, it’s virtually a story as it stands.
Thank you!!
Ha! I love your playfulness.
Yes, I can feel that boy's pre-mortified state, and that's so good.
Love how Miles's age plays narrative tricks throughout. He's ten. Messes up. Worried people will laugh at him. That's ten. But pre-mortified isn't ten-year-old vocabulary and everything after the em dash is a fond remembrance. At what age do you start calling someone precious? That feels at least a decade later if not many more.
Great! Gilbert is playing with high-register and low-register language. The "precious" could have been something Miles heard from a relative--what a precious boy--or, as you say, it's from an older character recalling this time.