Oh Nina, I love that you used the comma splice in this piece! I loved the forward motion, the excitement that builds in the long sentence. Thanks so much, now back to my story ha ha.
So, I've continued my 'story' idea from the previous post, as per the example. And I must just say that romance is not my usual go-to story idea, but for some reason the long sentence idea has ignited some melodramatic, sentimental spark in me. In fact, 'm a bit embarrassed by having come up with it all. Anyway, here's my second long sentence, and I still feel that it makes me uncomfortable to write like this, as though I'm being lazy, not purposeful.
Julia couldn’t put off the moment any longer, this she knew, and had known since the morning he came into her office and found her crying, since that same evening when she’d found herself unloading onto his broad, welcoming shoulders all the hurt and humiliation, her hopeless loyalty towards the one who had been so prodigal with it, and since he’d promised her he’d never be so cruel, so foolish, and what a prize she was, but how could she continue, walk down that festive aisle ahead, with her mother watching, shedding joyful tears, when her heart was broken.
I went and read a lot of long sentences, a google of long sentences in literature—as a reader, a panic sets in about the 200 word mark and I start reading faster and skimming and jumping over hurdles of new clauses, start an internal wail, start wondering when I'll see a period and be able to rest—which entailed rereading, which led to appreciation, which bothered me, the me that is still learning to write, because of what must be a deep-seated prejudice against losing connection, against pushing a reader backwards into complex, difficult territory.
Deanna, thank you for this psychological analysis. It's really important--in my view--this process of letting a sentence realign and readjust one's orientation with the world. It's been written elsewhere how everything has sped up, how our attention spans have shrunk. What if the longer sentence is one way to slow down? To feel the slower rhythms? To train the ear to once again listen?
Oh Nina, I love that you used the comma splice in this piece! I loved the forward motion, the excitement that builds in the long sentence. Thanks so much, now back to my story ha ha.
Jane, I thought of you and the comma splice and your editor who forbids it. Yes, you were on my mind.
So, I've continued my 'story' idea from the previous post, as per the example. And I must just say that romance is not my usual go-to story idea, but for some reason the long sentence idea has ignited some melodramatic, sentimental spark in me. In fact, 'm a bit embarrassed by having come up with it all. Anyway, here's my second long sentence, and I still feel that it makes me uncomfortable to write like this, as though I'm being lazy, not purposeful.
Julia couldn’t put off the moment any longer, this she knew, and had known since the morning he came into her office and found her crying, since that same evening when she’d found herself unloading onto his broad, welcoming shoulders all the hurt and humiliation, her hopeless loyalty towards the one who had been so prodigal with it, and since he’d promised her he’d never be so cruel, so foolish, and what a prize she was, but how could she continue, walk down that festive aisle ahead, with her mother watching, shedding joyful tears, when her heart was broken.
I went and read a lot of long sentences, a google of long sentences in literature—as a reader, a panic sets in about the 200 word mark and I start reading faster and skimming and jumping over hurdles of new clauses, start an internal wail, start wondering when I'll see a period and be able to rest—which entailed rereading, which led to appreciation, which bothered me, the me that is still learning to write, because of what must be a deep-seated prejudice against losing connection, against pushing a reader backwards into complex, difficult territory.
Deanna, thank you for this psychological analysis. It's really important--in my view--this process of letting a sentence realign and readjust one's orientation with the world. It's been written elsewhere how everything has sped up, how our attention spans have shrunk. What if the longer sentence is one way to slow down? To feel the slower rhythms? To train the ear to once again listen?
To me a unique aspect of the story was the extensive use of long sentences. 67 sentences, 51 of 40 words or more. Average sentence length 104.
Wow! Thank you for doing this analysis. The language really created its own momentum.