I had trouble with the imprecise phrase, but here is my attempt.
As the new, pale green dress, soft as blown milkweed seeds caressing her face, yielding as fresh springtime grass, slipped over her head and shoulders, its illusive gentleness, the momentary kindness, kindled something deep inside her. Fear. She was trapped.
I love the surprising turn in this sentence at the end! With words like "soft as blown," and "caressing," "gentleness," "kindness," I'm ready for diction along the same substantive line. But you turn it with "Fear." The "something deep inside her" is vague in a way that creates curiosity. And maybe, at first, it's inexplicable, or at least she can't find the words for it.
JM. I love this. The pale green dress ... yielding as fresh springtime grass... illusive gentleness, momentary kindness, followed by another "k" word, kindled, and then like a spring, we are .... trapped. Very nice. A joy to read.
I’m drawn away by what I find is the redundancy of the modifying adjective pure (pure cotton). Either it’s cotton or it’s something else. (A blend, synthetic etc)
Maybe it’s old fashioned but I’d be more seduced by a different specific adjective eg. fine, satiny, cloud-like
I'm a new paid subscriber, but didn't get in in time for today's gathering. Next month I will be there. In the meantime, here is my effort at the prompt:
"The fairy lights mingle with the mist, moved by moonlight, dragging gently across her damp skin, just there, revealing her secret. She is not of this world.
~~By AnnieKate Nicholson-Phillips, after Han Kang, prompt by Nina Schuyler
Beautiful! I love the alliteration of the "m" which accentuates these words, "mingle/mist/moved/moonlight." The word "dragging" is a good surprise because it's in contrast with the smoothness of the rest of the sentence and also the word "gently." There is the imprecision of "her secret." Just enough to create suspense and curiosity--what's the secret. The next sentence reveals it, and creates more intrigue.
Thank you thank you. That is exactly what I hoped would happen to the reader. Your page is a wonderful surprise, inviting me to exercise some writing muscles that I've wanted to flex, but had no venue in which to really hone them. Thank you.
It’s 3:40 pm PT. Have u posted the video of todays zoom yet? My schedule careened out of control somewhere between USPS and Sprouts and I’m eager to view it. Thanks.
Did you get the post: “Swimming in Style in December?” I sent that out on Thursday to paid subscribers and it included the Zoom link. Trying to figure this out.
I am looking at the list of recipients of the Thursday post that included the Zoom link. Can you give me your email so I can make sure you’re on the list? And that the email is correct? If you don’t feel comfortable posting it here you can send it to my Gmail at ninaschuyler@gmail.com
I love the idea of precise imprecision! When I first read the sentence, I thought the PI was in the word "something." Of course we´re told a moment later what that something is, but I think it´s significant that there´s a slight pause before we know, when the graze of the pure cotton fabric could be telling any thing.
Yes! I'd add "something" to precise imprecision. And in that pause, there is curiosity and suspense--what did it seem to tell her? Thank you for pointing that out!
It's a great sentence, the question you pose about where "just there" is, depends on where your mind takes you on reading it. So interesting.
I had a go...
The mournful hooting of the mottled owls reaches deep into her muddled mind, right in there, surprising her with its insistence. She pulls herself together.
i did not get a link for this gathering. I guess I will watch it afterwards although my day was planned around attending at 11 PST. Please look into this. I have paid and want access.
Did you get the post “Swimming in Style in December?” I sent that to paid subscribers on Thursday and it included the Zoom link. Trying to track this down.
I am looking at the list of recipients of the Zoom link. Can you give me your email address so I can double check you’re on the list? If you don’t feel comfortable posting it here you can send it to my Gmail. That is ninaschuyler@gmail.com
I had trouble with the imprecise phrase, but here is my attempt.
As the new, pale green dress, soft as blown milkweed seeds caressing her face, yielding as fresh springtime grass, slipped over her head and shoulders, its illusive gentleness, the momentary kindness, kindled something deep inside her. Fear. She was trapped.
I love the surprising turn in this sentence at the end! With words like "soft as blown," and "caressing," "gentleness," "kindness," I'm ready for diction along the same substantive line. But you turn it with "Fear." The "something deep inside her" is vague in a way that creates curiosity. And maybe, at first, it's inexplicable, or at least she can't find the words for it.
Thank you. Since subscribing here and trying these sentences, my prose is freeing up. So, thank you for that too.
JM. I love this. The pale green dress ... yielding as fresh springtime grass... illusive gentleness, momentary kindness, followed by another "k" word, kindled, and then like a spring, we are .... trapped. Very nice. A joy to read.
I’m drawn away by what I find is the redundancy of the modifying adjective pure (pure cotton). Either it’s cotton or it’s something else. (A blend, synthetic etc)
Maybe it’s old fashioned but I’d be more seduced by a different specific adjective eg. fine, satiny, cloud-like
Oh, I love this suggestion! You could add texture with "fine or satiny."
The 5 senses are quite magical in writing.
I'm a new paid subscriber, but didn't get in in time for today's gathering. Next month I will be there. In the meantime, here is my effort at the prompt:
"The fairy lights mingle with the mist, moved by moonlight, dragging gently across her damp skin, just there, revealing her secret. She is not of this world.
~~By AnnieKate Nicholson-Phillips, after Han Kang, prompt by Nina Schuyler
Beautiful! I love the alliteration of the "m" which accentuates these words, "mingle/mist/moved/moonlight." The word "dragging" is a good surprise because it's in contrast with the smoothness of the rest of the sentence and also the word "gently." There is the imprecision of "her secret." Just enough to create suspense and curiosity--what's the secret. The next sentence reveals it, and creates more intrigue.
Thank you thank you. That is exactly what I hoped would happen to the reader. Your page is a wonderful surprise, inviting me to exercise some writing muscles that I've wanted to flex, but had no venue in which to really hone them. Thank you.
Welcome! I am so happy it’s helpful. I am so inspired by language and sentences and all that can be done with them.
It’s 3:40 pm PT. Have u posted the video of todays zoom yet? My schedule careened out of control somewhere between USPS and Sprouts and I’m eager to view it. Thanks.
Almost done putting it together!
Hi, just to let you know, i'm a paid subscriber and I didnt get the link for today
I will look into this. I am so sorry! This happened to someone else too.
Its ok, looks like I didnt notice your link on Thursday. Thank you for your amazing work 🥰
I’m relieved you received it!
Did you get the post: “Swimming in Style in December?” I sent that out on Thursday to paid subscribers and it included the Zoom link. Trying to figure this out.
I am looking at the list of recipients of the Thursday post that included the Zoom link. Can you give me your email so I can make sure you’re on the list? And that the email is correct? If you don’t feel comfortable posting it here you can send it to my Gmail at ninaschuyler@gmail.com
I love the idea of precise imprecision! When I first read the sentence, I thought the PI was in the word "something." Of course we´re told a moment later what that something is, but I think it´s significant that there´s a slight pause before we know, when the graze of the pure cotton fabric could be telling any thing.
Yes! I'd add "something" to precise imprecision. And in that pause, there is curiosity and suspense--what did it seem to tell her? Thank you for pointing that out!
It's a great sentence, the question you pose about where "just there" is, depends on where your mind takes you on reading it. So interesting.
I had a go...
The mournful hooting of the mottled owls reaches deep into her muddled mind, right in there, surprising her with its insistence. She pulls herself together.
Mine email is jhoff037@gmail.com.
i did not get a link for this gathering. I guess I will watch it afterwards although my day was planned around attending at 11 PST. Please look into this. I have paid and want access.
Did you get the post “Swimming in Style in December?” I sent that to paid subscribers on Thursday and it included the Zoom link. Trying to track this down.
I am looking at the list of recipients of the Zoom link. Can you give me your email address so I can double check you’re on the list? If you don’t feel comfortable posting it here you can send it to my Gmail. That is ninaschuyler@gmail.com
I am so sorry! I will look into this. I sent it out to all page subscribers, but I will check into this.