Beautiful! The key resonates with so much meaning! Freedom, a place of her own (yes, Virginia W., we heard you), and you couple it with "her brother's love." I think a lot of subtext and meaning can be created with what is linked. She is alone and yet not alone. She has her brother's love to give her courage, comfort, support, all of it. The anaphora gives more rhythm and heightened emotion as if she can't quite believe this new freedom.
So creative! I love how far you've stretched this! There is personification with the algorithm "crunched" numbers and a byte. It's amazing how metaphorical language is. A new image comes in with a "virtual sandbox," which brings in associations of play and fun.
He was a good husband and tree—the man she leaned on, leaning her full weight into, fully trusting his strength and immovability, was a tree.
Or...
He was a good husband and tree--the man she allowed herself to rest against, beat against, fall apart against, like the ever-changing wind and rain, was a tree.
It's so intriguing! The tree has a propulsion because I want to find out more. And the repetition of "tree" at the end--I feel the word has far more depth because now I understand. A really interesting sentence.
"After the em-dash, which creates speed and connection between the opening and what follows, Dillard uses a mid-branching sentence. She separates the subject “the woman” from the verb predicate “had an ear.” Not only does this create suspense and a build to the end, but there’s room to repeat the word “love.” Dillard uses polyptoton—the repetition of words derived from the same root or with different endings. She has “loved” and “love,” and the slight variation is interesting to the ear. We wake up again. Using anadiplosis--a word or phrase at or near the end of a clause is repeated at or near the beginning of the next clause--she amplifies “love” because the repetition is so close together." OMG. Just O. M. G. I love your mind.
He had full tenure and foresight—the mentor he admired, past the chasmic admiration he feared or secretly desired, on this staid campus, had foresight!
I love how the mid-branching sentence delays the repetition of "foresight." The information that separates the subject and the verb predicate reveals so much about the character. Nice use of balance, "full tenure and foresight"; "he feared or secretly desired."
“A fresh, O.A.P. rate haircut and shave with watery blue eyes and a boiled tomato tumour on the side of his neb - Gordon radiated tragedy, tragedy held in check by a wall of dignified stoicism breeched only by the occasional yellow tear which rolled from time to time down the other side of his neb.”
Probably well wide of the mark - but I enjoyed writing it.
So good---and if the prompt inspires something, run with it! I am a big fan of anadiplosis, that little spin when the phrase, clause or sentence ends with a word and begins the next one. So the "tragedy,tragedy" is a spin for me and by repeating it, the word leaps off the page. The use of metaphoric language, "a wall of dignified stoicism" also stands out--original and a concrete image, turning an emotion into something tangible.
She had her brother’s love and a key—a girl crossing a threshold, a girl stepping into her own kitchen, her own blank space to fill.
Beautiful! The key resonates with so much meaning! Freedom, a place of her own (yes, Virginia W., we heard you), and you couple it with "her brother's love." I think a lot of subtext and meaning can be created with what is linked. She is alone and yet not alone. She has her brother's love to give her courage, comfort, support, all of it. The anaphora gives more rhythm and heightened emotion as if she can't quite believe this new freedom.
The algorithm crunched numbers and a byte—this code we debugged, beyond debugging as we coded or imagined it, in our virtual sandbox, crunched a byte!
So creative! I love how far you've stretched this! There is personification with the algorithm "crunched" numbers and a byte. It's amazing how metaphorical language is. A new image comes in with a "virtual sandbox," which brings in associations of play and fun.
This was difficult for me to understand until I began playing with word combinations.
Thank you for the challenge!
“Punctuation, too, is part of style. So now we need to look at the exclamation point. I love them! What an efficient way to convey excitement.”
Is there supposed to be an exclamation point in the sentence?
Ugh. Yes! There should be an exclamation point at the end--"...in his hometown, had an ear!"
Had an eye!
You had an eye! Good catch.
He was a good husband and tree—the man she leaned on, leaning her full weight into, fully trusting his strength and immovability, was a tree.
Or...
He was a good husband and tree--the man she allowed herself to rest against, beat against, fall apart against, like the ever-changing wind and rain, was a tree.
It's so intriguing! The tree has a propulsion because I want to find out more. And the repetition of "tree" at the end--I feel the word has far more depth because now I understand. A really interesting sentence.
Thank you! :D
Oops! I forgot the exclamation point. :D
Very nicely explained - and good use yourself of the word "yoked." One of my favorite verbs; it always seems to pop off the page.
I love it too, much more than "connected."
"After the em-dash, which creates speed and connection between the opening and what follows, Dillard uses a mid-branching sentence. She separates the subject “the woman” from the verb predicate “had an ear.” Not only does this create suspense and a build to the end, but there’s room to repeat the word “love.” Dillard uses polyptoton—the repetition of words derived from the same root or with different endings. She has “loved” and “love,” and the slight variation is interesting to the ear. We wake up again. Using anadiplosis--a word or phrase at or near the end of a clause is repeated at or near the beginning of the next clause--she amplifies “love” because the repetition is so close together." OMG. Just O. M. G. I love your mind.
Thank you so much! I'm happy this close reading is meaningful!
He had full tenure and foresight—the mentor he admired, past the chasmic admiration he feared or secretly desired, on this staid campus, had foresight!
I love how the mid-branching sentence delays the repetition of "foresight." The information that separates the subject and the verb predicate reveals so much about the character. Nice use of balance, "full tenure and foresight"; "he feared or secretly desired."
“A fresh, O.A.P. rate haircut and shave with watery blue eyes and a boiled tomato tumour on the side of his neb - Gordon radiated tragedy, tragedy held in check by a wall of dignified stoicism breeched only by the occasional yellow tear which rolled from time to time down the other side of his neb.”
Probably well wide of the mark - but I enjoyed writing it.
So good---and if the prompt inspires something, run with it! I am a big fan of anadiplosis, that little spin when the phrase, clause or sentence ends with a word and begins the next one. So the "tragedy,tragedy" is a spin for me and by repeating it, the word leaps off the page. The use of metaphoric language, "a wall of dignified stoicism" also stands out--original and a concrete image, turning an emotion into something tangible.
Wow.. thanks for your positive reply!
Well done with Ravishing..hope the tour in July goes GREAT^^
Oh! I'm still at Tinkers Creek^^ You have an ear- I love that about you!^^
I was drawn to the ear.
I have two and a third in my mind^^^^^^
What? Say more, if you want to.
But ..I’m listening to you^^