She’s a chord she’s a dance she’s a conversation an enigma overjoyed on the mountain breathtaking in a bedroom obsessed with her mistakes suicidal on Tuesday afternoons reinvented by Saturday morning she’s a guitar she’s drums she’s the cello for dessert she’s the main course she’s the rainbow in my afternoon bending toward a higher love.
I tried to hang on as she slid away, as music and light faded to night.
Wow! So amazing. I love the rhythm and the departure from the pattern, which blows the sentence open again. I am on the rollercoaster of emotion with suicidal on Tuesday afternoons but by Saturday morning a new wind of emotion has blown in. And what a great turn with the introduction of the narrator. That's a really cool move.
Sep 10, 2023·edited Sep 10, 2023Liked by Nina Schuyler
wooooo-hooooo, what a sentence what a bond what a woman what a man what a writer what a song. Oh no, we don't want the light to fade, we don't want the night! Wonderful musicality and a terrific ride. Thank you, David!
Not that it matters for the sentence analysis, which was spot-on and, as always, educational. It was a dumbwaiter she fell down. Here from a Kirkus review is the background.
At 19, Sarah Wilby is a promising competitive swimmer, is newly infatuated with a shopgirl but hasn’t yet said anything, and has a new job as chambermaid at the Global Hotel in a smallish English city. Then, just like that, she winks out. She bets a coworker five quid she can squeeze into a dumbwaiter, does it—and falls from top of hotel to bottom.
Nice to know the background! Makes the antithesis carry even more meaning - what a fall what a soar; into dark into light; a heart in my mouth. Love "a heart in my mouth."
Usually no matter how great a sentence is I am still on the outside looking in but with this one there is only this expansive exploding breathless beauty.
Thank you for this marvelous example of how sentences don’t have to follow the traditional punctuation. I enjoy when a sentence uses rhythm and alliteration well, because it reminds me of my time as a musician.
Thank you! With your music background, you are well prepared to hear the words rather than exclusively think about the content. Writing with the ear. Yes! Rhythm and alliteration make the sentence into a song, be it sad, happy, jaggedy, energetic.
boooom it’s a bomb it’s a game it’s a blast it’s the head of her nana in a flower shawl it’s a flash it’s a fire ash trash it’s a crawl it’s a life it’s a girl longing for the first day of first grade it’s a nightmare it’s warfare it’s the devil’s hand searing a land.
That’s more specific! But I have not yet published any books. That sentence was my response to Ali Smith’s sentence. If it has any particular power, that’s because it’s directly about someone I loved and lost. Planning to write more about her, though. Writing that sentence was a kind of opening into the heart of the matter. Thanks for asking.
She’s a chord she’s a dance she’s a conversation an enigma overjoyed on the mountain breathtaking in a bedroom obsessed with her mistakes suicidal on Tuesday afternoons reinvented by Saturday morning she’s a guitar she’s drums she’s the cello for dessert she’s the main course she’s the rainbow in my afternoon bending toward a higher love.
I tried to hang on as she slid away, as music and light faded to night.
Wow! So amazing. I love the rhythm and the departure from the pattern, which blows the sentence open again. I am on the rollercoaster of emotion with suicidal on Tuesday afternoons but by Saturday morning a new wind of emotion has blown in. And what a great turn with the introduction of the narrator. That's a really cool move.
Thank you, Nina! And for blessing us on Saturday mornings with these wonderful writers and their brain blowing works!!
wooooo-hooooo, what a sentence what a bond what a woman what a man what a writer what a song. Oh no, we don't want the light to fade, we don't want the night! Wonderful musicality and a terrific ride. Thank you, David!
Thank you!
What book is that from
My sentence? A book four years in the future perhaps!
Where is that from?
Thank you for sending me this sentence!
Not that it matters for the sentence analysis, which was spot-on and, as always, educational. It was a dumbwaiter she fell down. Here from a Kirkus review is the background.
At 19, Sarah Wilby is a promising competitive swimmer, is newly infatuated with a shopgirl but hasn’t yet said anything, and has a new job as chambermaid at the Global Hotel in a smallish English city. Then, just like that, she winks out. She bets a coworker five quid she can squeeze into a dumbwaiter, does it—and falls from top of hotel to bottom.
Nice to know the background! Makes the antithesis carry even more meaning - what a fall what a soar; into dark into light; a heart in my mouth. Love "a heart in my mouth."
That’s crazy, but makes it all the more poignant.
Usually no matter how great a sentence is I am still on the outside looking in but with this one there is only this expansive exploding breathless beauty.
Yes! It breaks the rules, the boundaries and there, beyond the boundary is expansion.
Thank you for this marvelous example of how sentences don’t have to follow the traditional punctuation. I enjoy when a sentence uses rhythm and alliteration well, because it reminds me of my time as a musician.
Thank you! With your music background, you are well prepared to hear the words rather than exclusively think about the content. Writing with the ear. Yes! Rhythm and alliteration make the sentence into a song, be it sad, happy, jaggedy, energetic.
Anyone else see a nod to Mrs. Dalloway here? (“What a lark! What a plunge!)
Thank you for pointing that out!
Indeed, Ali Smith is a big Virginia Wolff fan, but then who isn't.
Kaboom-
boooom it’s a bomb it’s a game it’s a blast it’s the head of her nana in a flower shawl it’s a flash it’s a fire ash trash it’s a crawl it’s a life it’s a girl longing for the first day of first grade it’s a nightmare it’s warfare it’s the devil’s hand searing a land.
She stood up.
She grew up.
It’s me or you. Me.
David what book is your sentence from
That’s more specific! But I have not yet published any books. That sentence was my response to Ali Smith’s sentence. If it has any particular power, that’s because it’s directly about someone I loved and lost. Planning to write more about her, though. Writing that sentence was a kind of opening into the heart of the matter. Thanks for asking.
A great start
Thank you! And thanks to Nina for squirting lighter fluid onto my coals!!