It is light, yet they move slowly; empty, yet they carry it carefully; lifeless, yet they move with hushed precautionary words to one another, speaking of it as though, complete, it now slumbered lightly alive, waiting to come awake.
As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner
Open any page of this novel, and you will find a stunning, eloquent sentence. Cash, Pa, Vernon, and Peabody are carrying the empty coffin into the house for the mother’s body. The pronoun “it” refers to the coffin, and “light” in this context means not heavy because Addie’s body is not in the coffin.
The eloquence comes from parallelism married to anaphora and series (threes). For the most part, the opening three clauses mimic each other. Faulkner uses ellipsis, eliminating “it is” from two clauses to create a less clunky rhythm and more speed:
1. It (pronoun) is (verb) light (adjective), yet (conjunction) they (subject) move (verb) slowly (adverb)
2. (It is) empty, yet they carry it carefully
3. (It is) lifeless, yet they move with hushed precautionary words to one another
This opening pattern is a compound sentence with a short independent clause connected by a conjunction to a longer independent clause. “It is (light/empty/lifeless), followed by the coordinating conjunction “yet,” which expresses a contrast. This powerful connective tissue complexifies the sentence in a fascinating way, moving from the physical realm (light/empty/lifeless) to the psychological realm. The juxtaposition suggests that they are already mentally carrying her dead body.
The slight deviations in the above pattern make it interesting to the ear. Over and over, I’ve seen the use of variation in parallelism, lists, and series for this very purpose. For instance, unlike the previous clauses, the third clause in this sentence includes a prepositional phrase, “with hushed precautionary words to one another.” This phrase operates as an adverbial (like the previous two), modifying the verb “move,” yet has a very different rhythm.
Now, the sentence leaves parallelism behind. Faulkner uses a participial phrase, “speaking of it,” adding more details to how they move.
Then comes the final turn in the sentence. The subordinate conjunction “as though” introduces a hypothetical situation: “as though, complete, it now slumbered lightly alive, waiting to come awake.” This conjunction, too, is vital connective tissue. My interpretation is that for the carriers of the coffin, the coffin has become so infused with the body it will soon hold that the coffin itself has come alive. I love the assonance of “lightly alive” and the unusual use of “lightly” here, which echoes the opening of the sentence, “It is light.” We have come full circle.
Your Turn:
You’ll write three clauses with the following structure:
A short independent clause, followed by “yet” and a new independent clause, with a subject/verb/adverb. The “yet” creates a contrast.
Can you make the third clause longer? Try a prepositional phrase.
Now add a short participial phrase and a subordinate clause beginning with “as though.” Can you make the inanimate come alive? Can you echo a word at the beginning of the sentence?
How did it go?
What else do you see?
(Remember: as you’re playing around with this sentence, it doesn’t have to follow the structure exactly. Let it spark something. Let it inspire you to write something.)
If you come across a stunning sentence, please send it to me! Thank you!
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I’ve taught “Style in Fiction,” “Word for Word,” and “Cultivating Your Prose” at the University of San Francisco and Stanford Continuing Studies since 2007.
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Dear merciful heavens. A book I melt over, go to all the time, but have I paused to see this first sentence? A stunner. A break-things-wide-open model. Thanks for slowing me up. I'm using a practice Fenton Johnson teaches: read it aloud, slowly, three times in a row. Then close my eyes and sit quietly and let it play, spin out, "disappear." Such a wow.
How intimidating and interesting it is to try to write in this style.
It is crushing, yet they stand up straight; heartbreaking, yet they do not ceaselessly weep; grim, yet they move with hope, holding each other, sharing prayers and plans, speaking of it as if tomorrow will bring resolution and life instead of flattening and ruin.