Dear merciful heavens. A book I melt over, go to all the time, but have I paused to see this first sentence? A stunner. A break-things-wide-open model. Thanks for slowing me up. I'm using a practice Fenton Johnson teaches: read it aloud, slowly, three times in a row. Then close my eyes and sit quietly and let it play, spin out, "disappear." Such a wow.
How intimidating and interesting it is to try to write in this style.
It is crushing, yet they stand up straight; heartbreaking, yet they do not ceaselessly weep; grim, yet they move with hope, holding each other, sharing prayers and plans, speaking of it as if tomorrow will bring resolution and life instead of flattening and ruin.
Wow! So great! The juxtaposition creates this great expanse of emotion. The series and the anaphora make a lovely rhythm and echo. You invite balance and alliteration with "prayers and plans." And the "as if" floats in a dream or a wish, an alternative reality.
Such an interesting post Nina, thank you so much. I made an attempt....
The dragonfly is fast, yet knows its intent clearly. It seems lost, yet knows the pond is the place to lay eggs carefully. It dashes about, alighting here and there, as though it’s not sure of its purpose in life. So alive, yet ephemeral.
What is interesting to me is what is being contrasted. For instance, fast vs. knows intent clearly. It made me think about how fast can equate to impulsivenss, mindlessness. So the comparison of A and B led to new ways of thinking about A or "fast," which is really cool. That little word "seems" does so much work for you. From the narrator's perspective, there is the appearance of one thing, and yet the truth is another. In the third sentence, the pattern of "yet" disappears, waking up the ear.
Nina, this, for me, is a newly discovered treasure. This one post of yours will keep me wondering and working at it for the rest of my life. Thanks so much.
I'm with you! For so long I've overlooked the power of the conjunctions "yet" and "as though." It's a fantastic sentence; so much accomplished in a small space.
This time I tried to track the form closely with pretty derivative copy, there is so much to take in about how it works. ---It is limp, yet she cradles it tenderly, stuffed, yet she dresses it carefully, worn and tattered, yet she beams with the expectant love of one who knows they are loved in return, cooing to it, as though, certain, it is as alive as you or me, residing in my child's mind.
This one was hard. I kept tinkering and tinkering while my 9th grade students listened to our librarian explain to them how the library works. This is as good as I could get it for now. One thing that I appreciate about these exercises is how it's starting to bring up for me the words and phrases I habitually lean on. There was a lot of crossing out words to try and use something other than the word I go to first.
The day demands; yet torpor persists rebelliously; yet Rose desires more zest longingly; yet the stone that's settled in her heart remains stubbornly present, as though it were inherited, a curse with no prince or godmother or magic in the plotline.
I'm glad we worked with a sentence from As I Lay Dying. It's a book I plan to read soon. And you inspired me to pull Subtext off my shelf and read it. But I still find it hard to describe the unsayable in words as I am reading a novel.
He entered the hall, yet no one dared object; his entrance was suspect, yet they accepted his presence; they silently looked sideways at each other with grim, narrowed eyes, yet no one spoke out, only silently wished he had disappeared with his horse the night the earth had mysteriously opened before him like a mouth, swallowed the horse, but spit him out again before closing as though even the earth found him too foul to digest.
Dear merciful heavens. A book I melt over, go to all the time, but have I paused to see this first sentence? A stunner. A break-things-wide-open model. Thanks for slowing me up. I'm using a practice Fenton Johnson teaches: read it aloud, slowly, three times in a row. Then close my eyes and sit quietly and let it play, spin out, "disappear." Such a wow.
Oh, I love the Johnson method. It feels like it will metabolize and become part of you.
Could you please tell us more about Fenton Johnson and his methods?
I’m so happy to. I got to work with him in workshop through Writing by Writers, a wonderful resource for writers co-founded by Pam Houston. Fenton was one of her teachers. I’m going to leave a couple of links here. My favorite of his books is “At the Center of All Beauty,” a consideration of what it means to be a "solitary” in this life as an artist. There’s a link to a terrific interview with Terri Gross on Fresh Air regarding a Harper’s article he wrote on the same subject. Lastly his wiki. If you ever get a chance to hear him or work with him (we were working on short stories), I highly recommend. He’s thoughtful, gentle, probing teacher. Thanks so much for asking. {https://freshairarchive.org/guests/fenton-johnson} {https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/at-the-center-of-all-beauty-solitude-and-the-creative-life_fenton-johnson/21810769/#edition=23286039&idiq=44204676} {https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fenton_Johnson} {https://www.writingxwriters.org}
How intimidating and interesting it is to try to write in this style.
It is crushing, yet they stand up straight; heartbreaking, yet they do not ceaselessly weep; grim, yet they move with hope, holding each other, sharing prayers and plans, speaking of it as if tomorrow will bring resolution and life instead of flattening and ruin.
Wow! So great! The juxtaposition creates this great expanse of emotion. The series and the anaphora make a lovely rhythm and echo. You invite balance and alliteration with "prayers and plans." And the "as if" floats in a dream or a wish, an alternative reality.
Such an interesting post Nina, thank you so much. I made an attempt....
The dragonfly is fast, yet knows its intent clearly. It seems lost, yet knows the pond is the place to lay eggs carefully. It dashes about, alighting here and there, as though it’s not sure of its purpose in life. So alive, yet ephemeral.
Rosalind,
What is interesting to me is what is being contrasted. For instance, fast vs. knows intent clearly. It made me think about how fast can equate to impulsivenss, mindlessness. So the comparison of A and B led to new ways of thinking about A or "fast," which is really cool. That little word "seems" does so much work for you. From the narrator's perspective, there is the appearance of one thing, and yet the truth is another. In the third sentence, the pattern of "yet" disappears, waking up the ear.
Thank you so much for your reply, Nina.
Nina, this, for me, is a newly discovered treasure. This one post of yours will keep me wondering and working at it for the rest of my life. Thanks so much.
I'm with you! For so long I've overlooked the power of the conjunctions "yet" and "as though." It's a fantastic sentence; so much accomplished in a small space.
I’ve been waiting for you to tackle a Faulkner sentence. This is excellent! Might we have another? Maybe from Absalom, Absalom! ?
Yes! Absolutely! We could spend forever with Faulkner. I'll open up Absalom tonight.
This time I tried to track the form closely with pretty derivative copy, there is so much to take in about how it works. ---It is limp, yet she cradles it tenderly, stuffed, yet she dresses it carefully, worn and tattered, yet she beams with the expectant love of one who knows they are loved in return, cooing to it, as though, certain, it is as alive as you or me, residing in my child's mind.
This one was hard. I kept tinkering and tinkering while my 9th grade students listened to our librarian explain to them how the library works. This is as good as I could get it for now. One thing that I appreciate about these exercises is how it's starting to bring up for me the words and phrases I habitually lean on. There was a lot of crossing out words to try and use something other than the word I go to first.
The day demands; yet torpor persists rebelliously; yet Rose desires more zest longingly; yet the stone that's settled in her heart remains stubbornly present, as though it were inherited, a curse with no prince or godmother or magic in the plotline.
Hmmm..getting bodies back to where they want to go is a BIG story^^
I see you are still hard at work on stunning...Try, Held by Annie Michaels^^
I’m over looking^^
I'm glad we worked with a sentence from As I Lay Dying. It's a book I plan to read soon. And you inspired me to pull Subtext off my shelf and read it. But I still find it hard to describe the unsayable in words as I am reading a novel.
He entered the hall, yet no one dared object; his entrance was suspect, yet they accepted his presence; they silently looked sideways at each other with grim, narrowed eyes, yet no one spoke out, only silently wished he had disappeared with his horse the night the earth had mysteriously opened before him like a mouth, swallowed the horse, but spit him out again before closing as though even the earth found him too foul to digest.