This is so much fun, and I find myself using a different type of language than usual to try to fulfill the construction requirements. How interesting!
The path beside the canal was narrow, the footing uneven, the walkers few, and bushes on the side away from the water extended dew-wet branches to dry themselves on the clothes of passers-by; The tea-colored water in a sleepy swirl conveyed pollen and leaves and bits of trash alongside, losing ground as the strollers shifted gear.
"The test instructions were crisp but rote, the pencils sharp, the eyes forward, and the applicants surveyed their parade grounds of empty ovals – A, B, C, D, E – like terrified generals; the three-hour skirmish, foretelling the disaster of the spring campaign by 9:15, would devastate families and decimate the infantry and pop penciled ovals over the battlefield like hand-grenades."
The school was full, eager students hunched over wooden desks, yellow number two pencils hard ạt work, when villainy entered through an unlocked door gun in hand and flowed through empty hallways and shots rang out and students hid and tender hearts beat fast and some stopped.
The barn was poorly lit, the windows rayless, the floorboards battered and wind slithered through the barren stalls; making the corpse seem threatening, repulsive, the magnification of our fears. (New author trying here :))
Polysyndeton, the overuse of conjunctions, helps create a sense of distance between the narrator and the minister: “making the minister seem remote and small and emblematic.”
The highway was alive, its surface a mosaic of motion, flags flapped a militaristic rat-a-tat-tat rhythm of declaration, horns blared an oppressive anthem; the pickup, emblazoned with genocidal conviction, wove through traffic, its polished wheels marking a path of unwavering supremacist purpose,
loud, clear, unyielding, rallying authoritarian solidarity under the bloodied, weeping sky.
So atmospheric. Lots of adjectives, and yet the sentence still seems concise, somehow. Something I know I need to work on. Here's my effort. I've added a second sentence - can't resist turning a sentence into a little story:
My bag was tightly packed, the house dark, the street outside silent, and the midnight sky had pulled across a heavy curtain of sombre clouds to conceal the watching moon; his despised form motionless beside me, arousing a familiar dread that threatened to frustrate my resolve and paralyse my will, now made me strong and determined to defeat that dread once and for all. This was my moment.
This is so much fun, and I find myself using a different type of language than usual to try to fulfill the construction requirements. How interesting!
The path beside the canal was narrow, the footing uneven, the walkers few, and bushes on the side away from the water extended dew-wet branches to dry themselves on the clothes of passers-by; The tea-colored water in a sleepy swirl conveyed pollen and leaves and bits of trash alongside, losing ground as the strollers shifted gear.
"The test instructions were crisp but rote, the pencils sharp, the eyes forward, and the applicants surveyed their parade grounds of empty ovals – A, B, C, D, E – like terrified generals; the three-hour skirmish, foretelling the disaster of the spring campaign by 9:15, would devastate families and decimate the infantry and pop penciled ovals over the battlefield like hand-grenades."
The school was full, eager students hunched over wooden desks, yellow number two pencils hard ạt work, when villainy entered through an unlocked door gun in hand and flowed through empty hallways and shots rang out and students hid and tender hearts beat fast and some stopped.
Preordered!!
The barn was poorly lit, the windows rayless, the floorboards battered and wind slithered through the barren stalls; making the corpse seem threatening, repulsive, the magnification of our fears. (New author trying here :))
So smart and helpful!
Polysyndeton, the overuse of conjunctions, helps create a sense of distance between the narrator and the minister: “making the minister seem remote and small and emblematic.”
This sentence!!!! I’m ashamed to say I’ve never read any John Updike. Can you suggest a good entry point?
The highway was alive, its surface a mosaic of motion, flags flapped a militaristic rat-a-tat-tat rhythm of declaration, horns blared an oppressive anthem; the pickup, emblazoned with genocidal conviction, wove through traffic, its polished wheels marking a path of unwavering supremacist purpose,
loud, clear, unyielding, rallying authoritarian solidarity under the bloodied, weeping sky.
So atmospheric. Lots of adjectives, and yet the sentence still seems concise, somehow. Something I know I need to work on. Here's my effort. I've added a second sentence - can't resist turning a sentence into a little story:
My bag was tightly packed, the house dark, the street outside silent, and the midnight sky had pulled across a heavy curtain of sombre clouds to conceal the watching moon; his despised form motionless beside me, arousing a familiar dread that threatened to frustrate my resolve and paralyse my will, now made me strong and determined to defeat that dread once and for all. This was my moment.