He says he has to take the dog for a walk, always takes the dog for a walk at this time of day, imperative that he take the dog for a walk right now.
Companion Piece, by Ali Smith
Can you feel the obstinacy, mingled with desperation? There’s a sense that the speaker’s identity is looped to walking the dog, and if he is denied, he will suffer an excruciating loss of personhood.
Repetition is a potent style technique, creating so much emotion on the page. In this example, the father of the narrator has had a heart attack and is in bed, waiting for the ambulance to come, yet he’s telling his daughter he has to take the dog for a walk.
When the repetition comes at the end or near the end of a phrase or clause or sentence, it’s called epistrophe, and it’s one of my favorite techniques to create heightened emotion. Musicians love this technique. Of course, each time I use it, I can hear my high school English teacher telling me to pick up my thesaurus and find another word in the lush English language; fortunately, age has brought some wisdom, and I ignore her.
"It's the trope of emphasizing one point again and again,” writes Mark Forsyth in The Elements of Eloquence. “And it’s the trope of not being able to escape that one conclusion…”
Though there is repetition of the phrase, “take the dog for a walk,” there’s also variation. This creates different musical refrains for the ear. I keep returning to Robert Frost’s “The ear is the only true writer and the only true reader.” The second time the phrase is repeated, there is a slight change with the word “always,” which makes the demand/plea/desperation more intense, and the added “at this time of day,” creating a 13-syllable phrase, compared to the first phrase with 11 syllables. The third time he says it, there is more change, with the use of the word “imperative,” which means crucial, and also an authoritative command, which echoes the effect of the repetition.
The ear is the only true writer and the only true reader.
Moreover, the two hard stresses at the very end of the third phrase, RIGHT NOW, add a more aggressive, more urgent and demanding tone. The series (3) of phrases has built to this final urgent two heavy stresses.
Your Turn
1. Open with your base clause, subject and verb predicate. In this opening, you want to include the phrase that will be repeated. Stay close to your character to determine what, exactly, needs to be repeated: what’s most important to your character at this moment? What is urgent?
2. Now write a second phrase that is slightly longer than the first one and repeat the phrase. Can you add a word that is absolute, such as Smith did with “always”?
3. Add a third phrase that repeats the phrase and concludes with two heavy stresses.
Tell me how it goes!
What else do you see? Hear?
If you’d like to read Robert Frost’s “The Sound of Sense”:
About Me:
I’ve taught “Style in Fiction,” “Word for Word” and “Cultivating Your Prose” at the University of San Francisco and Stanford Continuing Studies since 2007. I’ve watched my writing and my students’ writing blossom with this practice of paying close attention to the sentence.
Please visit my website to find all of my books: ninaschuyler.com (including “How to Write Stunning Sentences” and “Stunning Sentences: A Creative Writing Journal).
My New Novel:
Afterword is available now! If your book club chooses my book to read, I can Zoom in and talk to the group. If you’ve read my novel please consider posting an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads or social media.
Thank you!
Order links:
bookshop
Amazon
Clash Books
A New Interview:
In an interview with Shelby Hinte at Write or Die Magazine, I talk about writing, the need for privacy for the writer, the necessity of messiness in creativity, artificial intelligence, love, death, and more. Thank you, Shelby, for such fabulous questions!
Upcoming Reading:
On Saturday, August 5th, I’ll be talking to Sisters in Crime, women who write crime novels, about stunning sentences. 12:30-2:00, Sausalito Library.
Then, The Odd Mondays Reading Series in San Francisco! August 7th, at 7:00 pm, I’ll be in conversation with Katie Flynn, author of The Companions.
The Newsletter:
If this newsletter is valuable to you, consider becoming a Patreon supporter for as little as $5 per month. Here are the instructions how to do that:
(I know this is not the same kind of sentence but this is what came from thinking about it.)
From the moment she first saw him running past her on the trail with the grace and ferocity of some wild animal of infinite disregard she wanted not him exactly but a union of equals sharing the odor of wet rotting leaves mashed underfoot in scarce November light the wind rushing past and through their faces breathless primitive running wanting wrestling with dreams so she followed him keeping pace ten feet behind until he stopped in mid-stride turning to face her and they collided hard falling into a thrashing heap of leaves limbs branches rocks flesh breath laughter apologies wanting but not running, not for now.
Nina, I really like this and I'll give it a try. I sometimes a staccato style to create that intensity.
On another note, my dog is calling me at the moment, and come hell or high water, there's no better feeling in the world than taking him out. (Even if that wasn't the point.). It's just me.