Aug 5, 2023·edited Aug 5, 2023Liked by Nina Schuyler
(I know this is not the same kind of sentence but this is what came from thinking about it.)
From the moment she first saw him running past her on the trail with the grace and ferocity of some wild animal of infinite disregard she wanted not him exactly but a union of equals sharing the odor of wet rotting leaves mashed underfoot in scarce November light the wind rushing past and through their faces breathless primitive running wanting wrestling with dreams so she followed him keeping pace ten feet behind until he stopped in mid-stride turning to face her and they collided hard falling into a thrashing heap of leaves limbs branches rocks flesh breath laughter apologies wanting but not running, not for now.
Beautiful! So much style here! The absence of punctuation makes this sentence rush along, and it mimics her "wanting," putting it on the page, especially "running wanting wrestling" which feels like it's happening simultaneously in the stream of experience. The repetition of "wanting" intensifies the wanting. The specificity of word choice also makes this original and fresh: "not him exactly but a union of equals...."; "some wild animal of infinite disregard." So good! The blur of "leaves limbs branches rocks fresh breath laughter apologies wanting" embodies the union of equals, again, exemplified by the lack of punctuation. Then the turn with "but"--"but not running, not for now. A bit of anaphora at the end.
Thank you! This was fun to work on. I think I might have been influenced a bit by reading some of the Frost material (thanks so much for that link). He’s on to something there for real. Must read it again, soon, and more slowly.
I so appreciate all these sentences, all these writers, all this explication, week by week!!
So poetic "breathless primitive running wanting wrestling with dreams" so sensual "leaves limbs branches rocks flesh breath laughter" the unusual "apologies" also makes me pause and ponder thinking more deeply about "wanting but not running, not for now."
Nina, I really like this and I'll give it a try. I sometimes a staccato style to create that intensity.
On another note, my dog is calling me at the moment, and come hell or high water, there's no better feeling in the world than taking him out. (Even if that wasn't the point.). It's just me.
I liked it too; and when I listen to my kids and they really want something, their whole being focused on it, they use repetition to great effect. If you want send me what you write! So glad you enjoy dog walking. I like it, except when it's too much of a sniff walk.
Nina, thank you for your kind offer. I'll try to think of something appropriate. My dog Bodhi's constellation is the Big Sniffer. I mean this guy smells everything. You would think he's a metal detector searching for lost Spanish doubloons. Someone on here wrote recently that when you watch your dog sniff, it makes you see the world a bit differently. I have been trying that. I get the point but I must admit it can get lost in the weeds.
I can really feel the desperation in this sentence. I live with (and write about) someone who is often acting on impulse and following unbreakable obsessions - so I appreciate this exercise on how to create that tension in a sentence - and it's hard to do! Here's my attempt from your model. Thanks for this!
When he sees it, he dashes across the street, must dash across the street in that instant, recklessly dashes across the street as horns blare.
Clearly, curiosity compelled this boy to buy your books beautiful. Art of alliterations always amply applied. Notice this boy now Nina ? Grammar defeats this boy, who cares not a lot for perfection, nor a jot for the pot of rainbow gold. This boy is to old for that, rules are for fools, yet advice is so nice and cools. Sentience applied sits amply supine in stunning perfect sentences. Peace, Maurice
Anna smiled at the memory. Nonna had always told her to stretch her fingers; before you touch the keys, stretch your fingers, before you begin scales and arpeggios, before you open your composition notebook, before you even adjust the piano bench, stretch your fingers.
(I know this is not the same kind of sentence but this is what came from thinking about it.)
From the moment she first saw him running past her on the trail with the grace and ferocity of some wild animal of infinite disregard she wanted not him exactly but a union of equals sharing the odor of wet rotting leaves mashed underfoot in scarce November light the wind rushing past and through their faces breathless primitive running wanting wrestling with dreams so she followed him keeping pace ten feet behind until he stopped in mid-stride turning to face her and they collided hard falling into a thrashing heap of leaves limbs branches rocks flesh breath laughter apologies wanting but not running, not for now.
Beautiful! So much style here! The absence of punctuation makes this sentence rush along, and it mimics her "wanting," putting it on the page, especially "running wanting wrestling" which feels like it's happening simultaneously in the stream of experience. The repetition of "wanting" intensifies the wanting. The specificity of word choice also makes this original and fresh: "not him exactly but a union of equals...."; "some wild animal of infinite disregard." So good! The blur of "leaves limbs branches rocks fresh breath laughter apologies wanting" embodies the union of equals, again, exemplified by the lack of punctuation. Then the turn with "but"--"but not running, not for now. A bit of anaphora at the end.
Thank you! This was fun to work on. I think I might have been influenced a bit by reading some of the Frost material (thanks so much for that link). He’s on to something there for real. Must read it again, soon, and more slowly.
I so appreciate all these sentences, all these writers, all this explication, week by week!!
So poetic "breathless primitive running wanting wrestling with dreams" so sensual "leaves limbs branches rocks flesh breath laughter" the unusual "apologies" also makes me pause and ponder thinking more deeply about "wanting but not running, not for now."
Thank you! Yes, there might be a double meaning there…I must write more about these characters!
Wow! Gorgeous!
Thank you, Laurel!
Nina, I really like this and I'll give it a try. I sometimes a staccato style to create that intensity.
On another note, my dog is calling me at the moment, and come hell or high water, there's no better feeling in the world than taking him out. (Even if that wasn't the point.). It's just me.
I liked it too; and when I listen to my kids and they really want something, their whole being focused on it, they use repetition to great effect. If you want send me what you write! So glad you enjoy dog walking. I like it, except when it's too much of a sniff walk.
Nina, thank you for your kind offer. I'll try to think of something appropriate. My dog Bodhi's constellation is the Big Sniffer. I mean this guy smells everything. You would think he's a metal detector searching for lost Spanish doubloons. Someone on here wrote recently that when you watch your dog sniff, it makes you see the world a bit differently. I have been trying that. I get the point but I must admit it can get lost in the weeds.
I can really feel the desperation in this sentence. I live with (and write about) someone who is often acting on impulse and following unbreakable obsessions - so I appreciate this exercise on how to create that tension in a sentence - and it's hard to do! Here's my attempt from your model. Thanks for this!
When he sees it, he dashes across the street, must dash across the street in that instant, recklessly dashes across the street as horns blare.
That is so lovely and imminent (and possibly immanent), Robin! Not to mention, terrifying.
Clearly, curiosity compelled this boy to buy your books beautiful. Art of alliterations always amply applied. Notice this boy now Nina ? Grammar defeats this boy, who cares not a lot for perfection, nor a jot for the pot of rainbow gold. This boy is to old for that, rules are for fools, yet advice is so nice and cools. Sentience applied sits amply supine in stunning perfect sentences. Peace, Maurice
Well, here goes. From LIGHT, pg. 319:
Anna smiled at the memory. Nonna had always told her to stretch her fingers; before you touch the keys, stretch your fingers, before you begin scales and arpeggios, before you open your composition notebook, before you even adjust the piano bench, stretch your fingers.