Another tough one. I particularly like the inclusion of the colloquial phrases 'recently showered' and 'fair and square' in this sentence, with its otherwise kind of lofty diction. The lovers are a touch of the normal in the midst of all that 'rage and death' etc. My sentence, to give a little context, refers to a teaching post I had once inside a prison. Here it is:
What would defeat me, I realised very quickly, would not be fear or fatigue, lockdowns or searches, those obstacles I expected to wear me down behind those high, cold walls, but that the same mindless bureaucracy and staffroom hierarchies operated here, masquerading as security, as safeguards, as support structures, as accountability, those meaningless catch-phrases that had almost defeated me in more regular classrooms outside the prison system.
Wow. I really like this sentence. What strikes me are the rhythms created by the use of single, double (balance), and triple (series) components and the combinations of them within the sentence. The sole narrator is a single, his/her use of balance is done three times (I especially love his/her use of verbs for balance), the simple noting of 'two lovers' is a pair (versus using balance with 'this man and this woman'), he/she changes from balance to a series of anaphora phrases, then the final beautiful modifier of 'something'.
I found an internet article that describes the 'not..but' structure as an example of Correlative Conjunctions including: such/that, no sooner/than, both/ and, as many/as, not only/but also, etc. I've never noticed these pairs as a class of conjunctions but I like them. Time for some practice!
The sentence makes me feel not only his/her astonishment but also, maybe, his/her envy. Lol.
Another tough one. I particularly like the inclusion of the colloquial phrases 'recently showered' and 'fair and square' in this sentence, with its otherwise kind of lofty diction. The lovers are a touch of the normal in the midst of all that 'rage and death' etc. My sentence, to give a little context, refers to a teaching post I had once inside a prison. Here it is:
What would defeat me, I realised very quickly, would not be fear or fatigue, lockdowns or searches, those obstacles I expected to wear me down behind those high, cold walls, but that the same mindless bureaucracy and staffroom hierarchies operated here, masquerading as security, as safeguards, as support structures, as accountability, those meaningless catch-phrases that had almost defeated me in more regular classrooms outside the prison system.
As always, this is truly a stunning sentence, all the more impressive since it's a translation.
I look forward to the next sentence from you as soon as I've digested the current one.
Wow. I really like this sentence. What strikes me are the rhythms created by the use of single, double (balance), and triple (series) components and the combinations of them within the sentence. The sole narrator is a single, his/her use of balance is done three times (I especially love his/her use of verbs for balance), the simple noting of 'two lovers' is a pair (versus using balance with 'this man and this woman'), he/she changes from balance to a series of anaphora phrases, then the final beautiful modifier of 'something'.
I found an internet article that describes the 'not..but' structure as an example of Correlative Conjunctions including: such/that, no sooner/than, both/ and, as many/as, not only/but also, etc. I've never noticed these pairs as a class of conjunctions but I like them. Time for some practice!
The sentence makes me feel not only his/her astonishment but also, maybe, his/her envy. Lol.