Since spending 5 weeks in Greece in 2018, that time has truly loomed large for me, and the space within me that the experience fills is truly a temple.
Beautiful! You have created so much meaning by making the five weeks in Greece the image of a temple. You have alliteration, "loomed large" and "truly/temple." There is a lot of power in using a metaphor instead of a simile. That time is not "like" anything. It is a temple.
Now that he had reached stage nine, its gradient increased so suddenly and surreptitiously that it clouded any previous climb of his cycling memory, like a massive hazard sign clanging in the wind demanding a revised strategy.
Beautiful! This architecture really lends itself to excellent sentences. I love "clouded" because I imagine this cyclist so high in the hills that he's in the clouds. Then comes the simile, and tension increases because of the "massive hazard sign." We get the sensate detail of sound, "clanging in the wind." The sign is personified because it now demands a revised strategy.
Although it was only two days, that lost time was so murky and mystifying that it shadowed every day of my life that followed, like a great painting aged until the critical focal point lies in blemished discoloration, defying even imaginings.
Stunning! I love "murky and mystifying" for the alliteration and the vagueness. I am curious about what happened during those two days--such a short time for the event that "shadowed every day of my life that followed." Then comes your extraordinary simile, which is utterly original.
I love this! Familiarity has not led to a numbness or deadening. The familiar gate is personified and winks of expectation. You follow with a speculative subordinate clause, "as if" and the wonderful image of "the new chapter of this ongoing story." This is an interesting technique for simile/metaphor. The "target" of that which is being described by the "source"--the new chapter of this ongoing story, is missing. You invite the reader to engage further by using his/her imagination about what the target might be. My interpretation is that it's life, the life of the character.
I got it. But not that the gate was going to tell the story. I agree with your previous reply that 'as if it were ready to tell/write the...' would open me up to that possibility. Now I want to read the story the gate tells. And the wink gives me a sense of its personality.
Really interesting exercise that's helping me with a difficult bit.
Though it was unexpected meeting again, the experience was fun and flirtatious that recalled the affair from years before, signalling the awakening of something left dormant, surprising them both.
Lovely! The balance of "fun and flirtatious" adds music to the sentence. I love the smooth movement of time from the present--"the unexpected meeting again" to the past, "that recalled the affair from years before," and instead of it being a negative memory, it's positive: "signaling the awakening of something left dormant." The ending with "surprising" is a nod to the opening with the word "unexpected," and the fact that they are both surprised creates a sense that they have found common ground.
Simply love your complex mind: "And this transformation comes with the simile: “like a great edifice in the middle of a city that can be seen from miles away.” The word “edifice” stands out for me. Not a building, not a skyscraper, but an edifice, which Merriam Webster defines as a “large and massive structure.” It comes from the Latin aedis, a variant of aedes, which means temple and/or sanctuary. Now, that is a way to describe the beginning of a great and enduring love." Well done.
I've been working on this scene for days, so this exercise offered some new possibilities.
For one long moment, the rising sun cast her light through the tree branches, the tip of the blade caught a sun ray, and it flamed up like a blazing torch, a brief but false hope for brightening his way out of this unforeseen darkness.
[the darkness in inner, another contrast, but I didn't want to insert the word, inner, there--it will be understood in context]
Since spending 5 weeks in Greece in 2018, that time has truly loomed large for me, and the space within me that the experience fills is truly a temple.
Beautiful! You have created so much meaning by making the five weeks in Greece the image of a temple. You have alliteration, "loomed large" and "truly/temple." There is a lot of power in using a metaphor instead of a simile. That time is not "like" anything. It is a temple.
Now that he had reached stage nine, its gradient increased so suddenly and surreptitiously that it clouded any previous climb of his cycling memory, like a massive hazard sign clanging in the wind demanding a revised strategy.
Beautiful! This architecture really lends itself to excellent sentences. I love "clouded" because I imagine this cyclist so high in the hills that he's in the clouds. Then comes the simile, and tension increases because of the "massive hazard sign." We get the sensate detail of sound, "clanging in the wind." The sign is personified because it now demands a revised strategy.
Although it was only two days, that lost time was so murky and mystifying that it shadowed every day of my life that followed, like a great painting aged until the critical focal point lies in blemished discoloration, defying even imaginings.
Stunning! I love "murky and mystifying" for the alliteration and the vagueness. I am curious about what happened during those two days--such a short time for the event that "shadowed every day of my life that followed." Then comes your extraordinary simile, which is utterly original.
Even though she came each year, the familiar gate welcomed with a wink of expectation, as if ready to write the new chapter of this ongoing story.
I love this! Familiarity has not led to a numbness or deadening. The familiar gate is personified and winks of expectation. You follow with a speculative subordinate clause, "as if" and the wonderful image of "the new chapter of this ongoing story." This is an interesting technique for simile/metaphor. The "target" of that which is being described by the "source"--the new chapter of this ongoing story, is missing. You invite the reader to engage further by using his/her imagination about what the target might be. My interpretation is that it's life, the life of the character.
I was trying to personify the gate? Perhaps “ as if it were the author…”would be clearer?
I can see the gate, slightly ajar, as if it is winking.
Yes! I was trying to personify the gate as the author of what was to come.
I got it. But not that the gate was going to tell the story. I agree with your previous reply that 'as if it were ready to tell/write the...' would open me up to that possibility. Now I want to read the story the gate tells. And the wink gives me a sense of its personality.
Never considered element of time this way. As always brilliant analysis.
So kind! Thank you. I'm glad it's helpful.
Really interesting exercise that's helping me with a difficult bit.
Though it was unexpected meeting again, the experience was fun and flirtatious that recalled the affair from years before, signalling the awakening of something left dormant, surprising them both.
Lovely! The balance of "fun and flirtatious" adds music to the sentence. I love the smooth movement of time from the present--"the unexpected meeting again" to the past, "that recalled the affair from years before," and instead of it being a negative memory, it's positive: "signaling the awakening of something left dormant." The ending with "surprising" is a nod to the opening with the word "unexpected," and the fact that they are both surprised creates a sense that they have found common ground.
Simply love your complex mind: "And this transformation comes with the simile: “like a great edifice in the middle of a city that can be seen from miles away.” The word “edifice” stands out for me. Not a building, not a skyscraper, but an edifice, which Merriam Webster defines as a “large and massive structure.” It comes from the Latin aedis, a variant of aedes, which means temple and/or sanctuary. Now, that is a way to describe the beginning of a great and enduring love." Well done.
I've been working on this scene for days, so this exercise offered some new possibilities.
For one long moment, the rising sun cast her light through the tree branches, the tip of the blade caught a sun ray, and it flamed up like a blazing torch, a brief but false hope for brightening his way out of this unforeseen darkness.
[the darkness in inner, another contrast, but I didn't want to insert the word, inner, there--it will be understood in context]